


Royal Purple

by Nameha



Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Dark, Eventual relationship, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, PTSD, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Trauma, angst with happy ending, depictions of violence, noncon in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2019-11-28 06:41:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nameha/pseuds/Nameha
Summary: They didn’t kiss, they never did. It was an unspoken rule, this wasn’t intimacy.Tenzo wants it to be more then just mission relief. Kakashi believes he's too selfish to be loved.





	1. No pain like the present.

Ninja shouldn’t sleep so deeply, even surrounded by fellow ANBU, it could be a death sentence. Tenzo couldn’t help it though, finding a spot near the wall and collapsing on the cool stone. Body heavy and numbed from exhaustion.  
–  
Kakashi had been running the team ragged. False intel had led to a causality on their side. Kakashi, naturally, was livid. A quite, fierce anger had descended around him. Rapidly cooling his demeanor until it was, glacial, unnervingly cold. He had them run past the border of fire, 24 hours straight, no breaks and no time to mourn.

No one opposed him, stewing silently in their misery they pressed on. But Tenzo could see the tell signs of exhaustion: quaking limbs as they maneuvered through the trees, the sweat that coated exposed skin and how their bodies sagged with the weight of their gear.  
Even being ANBU elite, they were at their limits. The burn in Tenzo’s thighs were telling him much the same thing, he couldn’t go on much longer. Employing his ROOT training he compartmentalized the pain, pushed it down, steeling himself, he kept pace with Kakashi. Tenzo studied Kakashi, looking for chinks in the armor, the facade. Tenzo had been sneaking himself solider pills to keep up, so had the other ANBU. But he didn’t observe Kakashi doing the same.

‘How can he keep this up?’ Tenzo scowled, his eyebrows knitting together under the porcelain.  
‘Running on pure self loathing no doubt….Goddammit Kakashi,This wasn’t your fault.’ The thought passed through Tenzo, a silver of pain accompanying it.

A gasp from behind them pulled him out of his thoughts and to the back of the formation. Their sensor, Ko, was rapidly hurling towards the ground. Kakashi, with more speed then the team could muster, snatched him seconds before the ground could claim it’s prize.  
The team surrounded him. Taking the limp body from their captain to inspect the fallen shinobi. Kakashi turned away form them, walking a few paces to survey the surroundings.

“He blacked out, Captain. Exhaustion.” An ANBU in a purple eagle mask spoke up, her voice laced with irritation and concern.  
“Hound, we-” Tenzo started.  
“We’ll camp tonight.” Kakashi cut in curtly, effectively silencing Tenzo, who stood with head down and fists clenched.  
“Eagle, Boar, Bear.” He addressed the three standing. “Take Fox. There’s a cave nearby. We’re deep in fire territory, there won’t be use for complicated seals. Stay to the back in the cave.” He ordered, the three nodded.  
“Cat.” Kakashi had his back towards his team as he talked, shoulders tense under the armor.  
“Sir?” Tenzo felt a twist in his gut, he swallowed hard.  
“You and I will be near the entrance.” Kakashi’s voice was flat, commanding.  
“Yes sir.” Tenzo felt a bead of sweat roll down his temple, Kakashi was volatile in his state, anything except absolute obedience would provoke violence,

They dispersed.

—

Tenzo didn’t register the familiar weight that settled on the small of his back. It wasn’t unexpected. It had been a difficult mission.

How long had they been doing this? when did it start…he wondered passively  
The fog that clouded his mind rolled off gradually as hands ghosted along his shoulder blades, settling in his hair, gripping a handful and pulling his head gently to the side, exposing the nape of his neck. His cheek rested against the stone.

“I want you, Tenzo. Can I have you?” His captains breathe is hot against the shell of his ear. He relaxes into the hand and another snakes it’s way to his throat, calloused fingers heavy against the delicate flesh. Rubbing circles into his pulse point. 

This wasn’t intimacy, he had to remind himself, this was necessity.

“Of…course…” Tenzo whispered into the darkness. The hand around his throat squeezed, lightly, gently even. It traveled down the straps of his uniform and with precision he could feel it fall away from him, the release of the weighted vest was welcome. He signed with relief.

Kakashi pressed his lips to the nape of Tenzo’s neck, grazing the tender muscle with his teeth. His mask was off, Tenzo could feel his blood burn with desire. He wanted this, he wanted this so badly. He wanted it to be more then mission relief. But he would take what he could get. Even if it left him feeling hallowed when day broke and the night before became another pain to compartmentalize.  
Tenzo let a low whine escape his throat, keeping it below a whisper.  
“We can be…as loud as we want” Kakashi purred against his ear. “Their under a hell of a genjutsu…” Tenzo felt a pang of arousal at his tone, it was hungry, frustrated.

He felt Kakashi grin against his skin as he bit down, Tenzo yelped clawing at the ground beneath him. The hand in his hair curled and twisted, pulling him up and flipping him onto his back. The Sharingan glowed bright in the dim light. Tenzo briefly compared Kakashi to a predator, the look in his eyes, he was about to be devoured. Kakashi settled between his thighs, pushing them apart with his knees, placing a palm flat against his chest, he pushed him down to his elbows. He raked hands over Tenzo’s chest, the sting of his nails caused Tenzo to hiss.  
Kakashi made quick work of Tenzo’s undershirt, exposing him to the chill of the air. He shivered. But his skin was on fire with Kakashi’s administrations. Tenzo’s happuri quickly joined the pile of discarded clothing.

“You won’t be needing these.” Kakashi growled against the zipper of Tenzo’s pants, pulling it down with his teeth while maintaining eye contact.  
Tenzo sucked in a deep breathe, hesitantly carding his fingers through Kakashi’s hair. One barrier gone, Kakashi mouthed Tenzo’s growing hardness through his boxers.  
“A-Ah….” Tenzo bit his lip, he knew he didn’t have to keep quiet but he needed to have some self restraint, some dignity, for now. Kakashi continued his teasing, one finger under the waistband slowly pulling it down as his mouth worked in hot lazy circles.

“Kakashi…” Tenzo breathed.  
Kakashi took that as his cue, with one swift motion Tenzo’s boxers were gone and Kakashi engulfed his aching length. Tenzo gasped at the intense heat of Kakashi’s mouth.

Kakashi ran his tongue across the slit and under the head. One hand placed firmly against Tenzo’s thigh and the other working in tandem with his mouth. Tenzo curled into him sitting up and angling his hips for better access. His blunted nails found their way to Kakashi’s exposed shoulders to repay the favor of the thin lines on his chest.  
“Oh, Kitty has claws.” Kakashi hummed against his cock.  
“Let’s not get carried away.” Kakashi grabbed Tenzo’s wrists holding them firmly against his thighs as Tenzo squirmed. 

“No hands.” he breathed and Tenzo squeezed his eyes shut, a whine escaped.  
Kakashi continued to bob and suck, taking Tenzo’s full length over and over the pressure ebbing and pooling in the base of Tenzo’s abdomen. 

“K-Kakashi I-I’m–” Tenzo panted, trying to pull away.

Kakashi released him with a lewd pop of his lips and stood. Tenzo’s eyes followed Kakashi as he towered over him. Kakashi was still fully clothed and Tenzo felt a wave of embarrassment. He shuddered, looking down.  
Kakashi grabbed his chin forcing him to look at up, into mismatched eyes.  
“Keep your eyes on me. Tenzo.” Kakashi ordered as he unzipped his own pants, Kakashi was already painfully hard. Precum leaking from the tip of his unattended cock, he smeared it against Tenzo’s lips.

“Open up, kitty” Kakashi breathed.  
Tenzo’s eyes fluttered as he took Kakashi into his mouth, tentatively at first then with vigor.

“God, you feel good…” Kakashi’s voice was a low rumble in his chest.

‘Like thunder…You’re a storm.’ Tenzo mused. His hands came to rest at Kakashi’s hips trying to steady the pace of Kakashi’s thrusts. Tenzo closed his eyes momentarily, trying to focus on the task at hand, trying not to choke on the thick length being pushed down his throat, before a hand fisted in his hair caused him to look up.

“I Said. Eyes up. No hands.”  
Tenzo swallowed around Kakashi’s cock as the older ANBU took his wrists in a vice and held them out of the way. Tenzo could see the tomoe spinning as he kept eye contact.

‘He’s…recording this, recording me…’  
Tenzo felt his cock twitch at the thought, throat bulging with each languid roll of Kakashi’s hips. Tears pricked at his eyes as Kakashi picked up the pace. Burying himself with each deep thrust, eyes clouding over.  
Kakashi withdrew abruptly. A thin strain of saliva connected the head of Kakashi’s cock to Tenzo’s swollen lips. Kakashi admired his disheveled Kohai. Cheeks red and panting, feline-esque eyes looking up at him with a mix of lust and adoration. Kakashi tried to push away feelings of the latter.

Kakashi didn’t have to say a word, Tenzo knew what the next step was. Tenzo shifted until he was on his hands and knees. Kakashi bit his cheek and slid to his knees, taking his place behind Tenzo, his mouth at the base of his neck again.  
“All I have is medical balm” Kakashi’s hand slide between Tenzo’s thighs to his neglected sex, lithe fingers wrapped around his shaft and began to stroke.  
“I-I don’t care! Kakashi-fu-fuck.” Tenzo pushed back into the other man.  
Kakashi dug in pocket of his vest before producing the small green jar. He applied a generous amount to his finger before sliding it inside Tenzo.

Tenzo hissed at the sudden intrusion, choosing instead to focus on the hand wrapped around his cock. Kakashi pushed in deeper, slowly adding another finger while pumping him. Tenzo relaxed, keening into the pressure.

“Ju-just put it in, I’m ready, just do it.” He couldn’t catch his breathe.  
“Aren’t you just the bravest thing, huh?” Kakashi withdrew his fingers, he slicked himself up with the thick balm and pushed the head in. Tenzo gasped as it went past the tight ring of muscle, Kakashi sank all the way in with a groan.  
Kakashi started to move, eliciting soft gasps and moans from the man beneath, he angled his hips for a scream. Tenzo clenched his fists and dropped his head.  
“That’s it, take it and relax…” Kakashi purred as he thrust against Tenzo’s prostate.  
Kakashi’s hands dragged down his back again, he smirked at the faint red lines overlaying the tanned skin. His hands rested on Tenzo’s ass, moving his cheeks apart in time with his thrusts. He pulled them apart, watching himself piston in and out.  
‘ I want to remember this forever’ Kakashi groaned.  
“I-I want to change positions” Tenzo gasped.  
“Oh, you want to ride me?” Kakashi smirked at the thought.  
“N-No I want to look at you. Wh-while we do this.” Tenzo began to shift his weight to right elbow in order to turn around.

Kakashi’s eyes widened momentary before his arm pushed flat against the broad side of Tenzo’s shoulders keeping him pinned down.

“Kakas–”  
“No. It’s faster like this.” Kakashi began to set a vicious pace and Tenzo stifled a scream like moan. 

‘I can’t Tenzo…I can’t face you, with those eyes full of love, when all I do is take.’ Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut, losing himself inside Tenzo.

Tenzo was lost in ecstasy to comprehend the other mans actions, his mind ebbing away from him as he reached his climax. Tenzo spilled himself with a gasp, wedged between his abdomen and the cruel stone.  
Kakashi pulled out in time to roll Tenzo over, their cum mixing on Tenzo’s abdomen, the splash back coming to coat his face and chin. Kakashi slumped forward, feeling the full weight of his orgasm descend upon him. Tenzo took Kakashi into his arms, He couldn’t take it, he had to, he lost all restraint in that moment of blind bravery. He kissed him, Hands in Kakashi’s hair and eyes shut tight.

They didn’t kiss, they never did. It was an unspoken rule, this wasn’t intimacy.

Kakashi melted into him, grabbing Tenzo’s cheeks and deepening the kiss. Their tongues ghosting over each other, teeth clinking together with the force.  
Kakashi stiffened, the realization hitting him. He pulled away, eyes narrowed. He pushed Tenzo to he ground.

“What do you think this is?” His voice was taut. Tenzo stared up wide eyed.  
“Clean yourself up. We leave in a couple hours.” Kakashi zipped up his pants and left Tenzo dazed and exposed. Tenzo slammed a fist into the ground. Angry tears welling up, threatening to spill over.

‘What did i do? I fucking ruined it…he’ll never get close to me again…“ He squeezed his eyes closed, trying to breathe deeply.  
He tried to compartmentalize this, Kakashi, but god he could never file him away…not even being former ROOT.  
–  
Kakashi ran a frustrated and through his hair and over his face.  
‘I didn’t need to push him away like that…fuck, I keep fucking up. First the mission was a clusterfuck…then Ko and now…Tenzo. God he’ll never get close to me again.’  
Kakashi set himself up in a tree, pulling his chakra tight, like a close second skin.  
‘I shouldn’t have started this…I just want him, all of him. Tenzo would give me anything if I asked. I’m so fucking selfish, I don’t deserve him. My love is a death sentence.’ he seethed.


	2. one step forward three steps back.

He slept late, sunlight filtering through the trees and bathing him in warmth. Must’ve been past noon. He blinked slowly, gaining his bearings and adjusting to his surroundings. He gingerly rolled to his feet, holding his center of gravity low to the branch. He wasn’t about to start the morning by busting his ass.  
 High in the tree, he stalked through the foliage. Focusing intently on his teams unique scents, well, if he was honest, he was only focused on one in particular. The smell of pine and earth drew him close to his targets.  
 Finding a suitable spot he peered at his team through the leaves. They were already going through the morning routine, stretching, taking inventory of weapons and repacking bedscrolls and supplies. Chatting idly as they went.

“Man! I haven’t slept so good in ages” Eagle chirped.  
“I know! I feel like I was out for way more then a few hours, we must’ve been exhausted” Boar joined in  
“Ya” Bear scoffed, “Exhausted enough to drop” They all eyed Ko, who gave them the finger while smiling under the fox mask, before breaking into a fit of laughter.

‘At least their in good spirits.’ Kakashi stretched, rolling his shoulders. He didn’t sleep well. He slept well enough–he mused, satisfied with the pop the twist of his back produced–But not as well as them.  
 The tree’s gnarled surface wasn’t ideal for a restful night, his body ached.  
He observed Eagle, Boar and Fox had moved closer together while Bear had branched off from the group.  
 His visible eye narrowed as he caught sight of Tenzo, cat mask firmly in place, kneeling. He was digging through his bag. No doubt compulsively checking and double checking his supplies. ANBU with the bear mask had his hands on Tenzo’s shoulders.

 He thanked Gods that Tenzo didn’t seem to realize it wasn’t just a gesture of camaraderie, but an invitation for something more when they arrived back in the village. Tenzo was so naive. Kakashi felt a pant of guilt, he frowned. He wasn’t taking advantage of Tenzo, was he? No.

‘I would never do anything if Tenzo didn’t reciprocate.“ He shrugged off the feeling. He could add that to the laundry list of offenses later.  
‘I really can’t stand that guy, who the fuck does he think he is?” Kakashi rolled his eyes, it aggravated him to see someone trying to be so familiar. Bear was just a stand in for this mission, he didn’t even bother learning his name. He wouldn’t be on his team much longer anyways. After this mission, Bear would be back with his own team and so would Kakashi and Tenzo.  
 Kakashi could hardly wait for that moment, Bear had been dropping subtle and not so subtle hints at the younger ANBU since the start of the mission. It was really starting to get under Kakashi’s skin  
–  
“Man, you’re so tense, I can take care of that for you, rough night?” Bear’s fingers dug in to the sore muscles of Tenzo’s aching shoulders.

“I took second watch after Hound.” Tenzo replied sheepishly, rising to his feet and shrugging under his teammates hands.  
“Speaking of…Where is Captain Hound?”

 On cue Kakashi dropped down from the tree with a nonchalant “yo.”  
They all snapped to attention then visibly relaxed when they realized the murderous aura from the previous night had dissipated.

“It’s still a couple hours to the village.” Kakashi dragged his gaze across his team, settling on Bear and Tenzo. Bear dropped his hands to his side, stepping away. Even under the cat mask, Kakashi knew Tenzo’s eyes were focused elsewhere. He felt it like a kunai to the gut.

“We’ll be doing thundercloud formation. Eagle, Boar flank us, Fox is in the middle.”  
Tenzo swallowed, dread writhed in his stomach, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He felt a twinge of pain from last nights activities. A stark reminder of what transpired and the consequences of his actions.  
 He wanted things to be how they were. They always went back to normal in the morning. No feelings carried over, nothing form the previous night meant anything during the day. 

But they had never kissed before, that level of intimacy was off limits.

If Kakashi put him in the back, the useless far away position, he would know he severely pissed off the older ANBU.

“Bear” Kakashi paused, pulling his mask into place. Tenzo’s stomach dropped. Here it was, proof that he had irreparably fucked up. He held his breath, he could feel his heart in his throat and could hear it thundering against his ribs.  
“You take the rear.” His eyes slid to Tenzo, giving him a once over. Tenzo resisted the urge to squirm under his direct gaze. Tenzo hallowed his eyes, a ROOT tactic, draining all emotion, he wouldn’t give his anxiety away.

“Cat, upfront with me.” Relief washed over Tenzo, he held back a grateful sigh. He could breathe easy. Though it seemed bear was less then pleased to be in the back of the formation. He held in his indignation and gave a curt nod. Tenzo flickered over to Kakashi’s side in an instant.

“Sir.” He smiled under the mask, the light in his eyes slowly coming back. Kakashi felt something in him loosen, Tenzo didn’t shy away from him.

“Alright everyone. Let’s move.”  
They traveled side by side in silence, occasionally bumping shoulders every now and again. Relaxing into each others company.  
–  
After they were dismissed from the mission desk and debriefed, Kakashi being taken for an audience with Lord Third, Tenzo headed for the locker room showers.  
Most ANBU opted for the privacy of their apartments in the barracks. Tenzo, however, preferred not to drag blood and god knows what else through his own dwelling and then deal with the consequences if said blood and god knew what else stopped up the drains.  
 At least the locker room showers, the industrial drains, were equipped to handle all matter of gore. He stripped down, discarding the blood caked armor and his undershirt. The tacky remnants clinging to his skin. He turned on the water and let the hot spray hit him full force.  
 It was quiet, the steady thrum of the burning fluorescent’s overhead blended with the rushing of water and low gurgle of the drains below. Tenzo’s mind wandered in the white noise.

“What do you think this is?” the words came to him in a spiteful hiss.  
Tenzo pressed his forehead against the tile.  
‘I’m glad that nothing seems to have changed between us…but I can’t help…at least a little…that I wanted things to…’ He closed his eyes, exhaling.  
‘That Kakashi would tell me that…that I mean something more. But after last night..’ He winced as the words flashed across his mind, like a warning sign.  
‘I don’t think it’s more then mission relief to him..I want more but I’ll take whatever he gives me.’

 After his shower, Tenzo felt marginally more human. At his locker he finished combing through his hair and tying it back to dry. He put the rest of the toiletries away and shut the locker. Only to come face to face with his captain, leaning on the other side.  
–  
After spending close to 40 minutes in the Hokage’s office, having to listen to Hiruzen give condolences for “unfortunate and unforeseen events.” Kakashi would have rather Hiruzen said “Sucks to suck” and move on instead of a speech about laying down ones life for the good of the village and how honorable their death was in the name of greater peace.

‘How honorable to die without acknowledgement from the village they died for.’ Kakashi thought bitterly.  
The ANBU would not receive a grave marker or a burial, the body having gone up in flames along with all evidence of their time on earth. An unremarkable scorch mark for an unremarkable death.  
 Kakashi was grateful for the mask that hid his absolute disinterest. Rat was a good ANBU, not good enough to stay alive obviously, but decent enough. Kakashi may have made their death sound more heroic then what it was. It was the least he could do. Who wants to be known as the guy who died by forgetting where he put one of his own damn traps? No one would have argued with Kakashi no matter what he said the ANBU died of.

 Kakashi was antsy, he wanted to go home to shower, strip himself of the filth and failure, buy fresh flowers for the friends he hadn’t seen in a week and then get dinner. Hiruzen dismissed him with a nod and Kakashi blinked out of existence.  
Going about his normal routine he arrived at the grave sites, freshly showered and bearing gifts of white lilies. He reverently cleaned the headstones and replaced the wilting flowers.

“Hey…Obito. The mission went about as well as you could imagine. So, in other words, badly. But…I’m having some other problems now. Maybe you could…help me out. I wonder what you would have done, you always laid your feelings out in the open. But I can’t do that, If I was brave, worthy, like you…maybe.  
What we’re doing…It’s getting harder.”  
Kakashi shrugged, miserably.

“Harder to…act like it means nothing. He’s getting too close to me…I’m pushing him away for his own good. He doesn’t need someone like me, hell, we lost someone on this mission. He saw I couldn’t protect them. Couldn’t protect you…or…Rin.”  
The last word came out a whisper. He put a hand to his face.

“I don’t want to dump all this on you. But I can’t talk to anyone else. Gai and Genma can’t know, we’re on the same team and I’m Tenzo’s superior. I’ll talk to Rin…See if she has any good advice. It was nice seeing you, I’ll come back tomorrow.”  
Kakashi talked to Rin and didn’t come to any other conclusions. He would just have to push it all down. Push it down and act like nothing was out of the ordinary. By that line of thinking, he looked at the sinking sun, it was time to get Tenzo.  
–  
Tenzo squawked in surprise.  
“Ah, Senpai.”  
“Maa, Tenzo, let’s grab something to eat while I write the report.” Kakashi slid off the lcoker.  
“You mean, while I write your report.” Tenzo quirked an eyebrow and folded his arms.  
Kakashi hummed “My treat.”  
Tenzo gasped in mock surprise.  
“You mean I don’t have to pay AND write the report?”  
Kakashi ducked his head “Ah, you wound me. I have to spoil my Kohai sometime, don’t I?” Kakashi bumped their shoulders playfully with a wink.  
Tenzo beamed.  
“Okay! Senpai!”  
–  
They left the ANBU barracks and wandered around the emptying streets of Konoha. Making their way to a small cafe, the hours for some shops accommodated shinobi more then others, they wasted no time ordering their food to go. Bags in hand they headed to Kakashi’s apartment.  
 They put the food on the coffee table and Tenzo produced paper from his bag and his writing instruments with his mokuton. Tenzo started to write between bites of his food, eyes focused intently on the task at hand and rice on his face.

“Slow down you’re going to choke, it would be a shame if I had to write the rest myself” Kakashi snorted.  
Tenzo looked up, eyes slight as he narrowed his gaze.  
“After a steady diet of soldier pills, I think I’m entitled to eating as fast as I want.” He popped another dumpling in his mouth.  
Kakashi put his hands up in mock surrender.  
“You’re getting more of it on your face then in your mouth.” He thumbed some of the rice off Tenzo’s face, brushing his lips with his thumb. Tenzo felt a bolt of electricity in his spine.

Kakashi’s face was unreadable. Tenzo was almost afraid he crossed the line being so mouthy. Kakashi gathered up his dishes and threw back the rest of his drink, before getting to his feet.

“Hurry up and finish.” He crossed the living room into the kitchen.

Tenzo climbed onto the couch when he was done, stomach full, hand cramping from the 10 page, front and back, report. He grabbed a wayward architecture manual, he left last time, on his way up.  
‘No wonder they try to keep everyone alive, the paperwork for the deceased is hell.’ Tenzo sighed.

Tenzo felt the dip of the couch as Kakashi joined him, face in his own book. He barely took note as his eyes started to feel heavy. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for them to spend a couple hours immersed in their own brand of literature after a lengthy mission report. Except, this time, Tenzo was out before he could settle into a chapter.  
 Half an hour later, Kakashi looked up from his erotica long enough to notice Tenzo’s sleeping form. He shifted slowly in the seat, seeing if Tenzo was merely resting his eyes or if was fully asleep. Kakashi conducted several of these tests, including taking the book out of Tenzo’s hands. He didn’t stir. 

 Kakashi bit his lip, carefully removing his head band and opening his left eye. He wanted this moment, he couldn’t help himself. He had to have it, even if he didn’t deserve it. The sharingan whirled to life, the scene before him becoming more vivid, the light and lines burning into his memory. He could feel his chakra dwindling, by some god he had made it out of this mission with chakra to spare, but he was still verging on exhaustion. He closed his left eye and replaced his hand band.  
 His body was felt heavy, mind swimming. Tenzo looked so peaceful, he wouldn’t mind having some peace for himself. He leaned back against the couch and felt the cool, black expanse over take him.

 Tenzo woke up an hour later, there was a pressure on his right side. Something heavy pulling him down and in. His eyes adjusted to the low light in the apartment, he tilted his head slowly. Kakashi was asleep. Kakashi was asleep ON him. Tenzo held his breath, as if any movement, no matter how slight, would wake the sleeping Jonin. He felt the heat creeping up his cheeks. Kakashi had an arm slung over his shoulders, hand wrapped in his hair.  
 Tenzo smiled, He didn’t have the heart to wake his Captain, he wouldn’t mind going back to sleep either. Just to prolong this encounter. The shared heat felt nice, safe even. He put his head against Kakashi’s chest and let himself slip back into sleep.  
‘Just a couple more hours…to stay like this…’  
–  
 Kakashi’s eyes flew open, the last vision of his nightmare fading. His chest was tight, heart high in his throat, the rushing of blood thunderous in his ears. The droplets of sweat slowly trickling down his temple, stinging his eyes. He dreamed of the last night of Rin’s life, no, it was her life but it wasn’t Rin. This time it was Tenzo. Whose once bright face was grey scale, vacant eyes wide with horror, blood leaking from his nose and mouth.  
“Ka-Ka-Kakashi” It gurgled.  
 Kakashi’s eyes darted around the apartment, Tenzo was curled on his chest. Kakashi got up abruptly, throwing Tenzo off him in a hurry. He couldn’t handle physical contact, not right now. He couldn’t even look at Tenzo, not without the nightmare overlaying this reality.  
 Tenzo hit the side of the couch with a thump, he was bolt right quickly, looking around confused. Kakashi turned his back towards him, running a hand through his hair, he could feel his hands shaking.

“Tenzo. It’s late. Go back to the barracks.” Kakashi’s speech was pointed, cutting, concise.  
Tenzo pushed himself off the couch. Eyebrows knitted together.  
“Hey, are you okay? Did you have anoth–”  
“You know your way?” Kakashi cut in.  
“Yeah..it’s not hard to get back fro-”  
“Then get the fuck out.”  
Tenzo had taken a step towards him, arm outstretched. He recoiled, holding his hand to his chest, like it burned. Tenzo set his jaw, bristled, but relented. 

“Fine…Senpai, see you tomorrow?” Tenzo’s voice was soft, concerned. He could see the curve of Kakashi’s hunched shoulders hands firmly shoved in his pockets, the other man was shaking. Kakashi waved him off, without a word and disappeared into the back bedroom.  
 Tenzo gathered the paper work, stacking it neatly on the coffee table for the morning. He stared longingly at the bedroom before turning and leaving, he locked the door behind him. The sun was creeping over the monument and Tenzo couldn’t help but feel a swell of dread at another day.


	3. Mixed Signals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought i could write this whole fic in 3 chapters but i was wrong af.  
> But after this chapter is when things start to Happen.

Tenzo made his way leisurely back to the barracks, taking in the stillness of the morning, sunlight easing into full power. A thin sheen of sweat decorated his brow. He watched the birds with a, brief, lopsided smile that slowly morphed into a frown.  
‘Gods…He gives me whiplash. I don’t know if i can keep up sometimes. But it’s not like I can take something like that personally.’ Tenzo rubbed his neck, squeezing his eyes shut, exasperated.  
‘I just wish senpai would talk to me instead of pushing me away…I feel stupid for thinking we were closer, that he would trust me to help him.’ Tenzo paused and heaved a dejected sigh, his shoulders slumped.

“Hey!” A voice cut through the quiet.  
“Whose that doing the walk of shame! is that my boy!”  
Tenzo stiffened, senses on high alert. He crinkled his nose as the voice registered, slowly, Genma? He turned a fraction of a second too late. Great muscled arms encircled him, pulling him from the ground, the world spun as he was squeezed.  
“My dear cat eyed companion!!” The body holding him boomed. “We missed you at mission check in!”

How Gai got into ANBU was probably the single greatest secret of the leaf village, human experiments be damned.

“Alright, alright, put him down, ya gonna puncture the poor kids lung.” Genma twirled the senbon between his teeth, rolling it as he talked.  
Gai set him down and Tenzo staggered, Gai’s big hand coming down on his shoulder to steady him. Tenzo looked up into a brilliant, blinding smile and squinted.

“I-it’s good to see you too, I didn’t realize you two would be waiting for us.”  
He apologized.  
“Yeah, we waited around like a couple of clowns at the mission desk and then went to your apartment, only to be told you and and Kakashi ditched, so fess up, where’ve you been?”  
“Ah…I just came back from senpai’s apartment, I fell asleep after eating too much when I finished the report.”  
“Damn, you bought him food and wrote the report? He has you wrapped around his finger, sly motherfuck-”  
“Actually!” Tenzo cut in “he paid this time–”  
“What?!” The senbon nearly fell out of Genma’s mouth, Gai’s eyes visibly widened.  
“How’d you swing that! Did you suck his dick or something?”  
A blush creeped up his neck and towards his cheeks. Genma caught the twinge of red, a smirk forming.  
“Genma! Such vulgarity!” Gai clamped his hands around Tenzo’s ears, shooting Genma a look of disappointment.  
“If he’s old enough to kill he can take soem locker room talk!” Genma huffed, rolling his eyes at Gai’s mother goosing.  
“’Sides I’m just fuckin’ around”

Tenzo gently pulled Gai’s hands down, trying to keep his dignity intact, refusing to be treated like a child just because he was the youngest.  
“The report was really long, I think that’s why he took mercy on me”  
“Oh, fuck yeah, heard Rat got his dumbass killed, that paper work is a bitch.”  
“Genma! A fallen comrade should be treated with more respect, he gave his life so that we may have our youth!” Gai bellowed.  
Genma put a finger in his ear and twisted it.  
“Yah, yah yah, fine, he was a good due, whatever. Also heard Kakashi ran y’all into the ground. What’s his fuck about dropped dead or something and that the team is benched for a couple days.”  
“Wait, you heard that?”  
“What can I say? News travels fast and I’m a sucker for gossip.” Genma winked.  
Tenzo furrowed his brow, he didn’t know how to feel about that.  
“But it’s no wonder he payed if he dumped all the work onto ya. Plus everyone knows he has a soft spot for you.”  
Teno’s eyes widened.  
“He…does?”  
“Hell yeah he does, who wouldn’t? Big ol’ doe eyes and that naive expression!” He grabbed Tenzo around the shoulders, ruffling his hair and pulling him close.  
“Ain’t he just adorable?” Genma grabbed Tenzo’s chin and shot Gai a smile.  
Tenzo thought if he could roll his eyes any further back, he would swallow them.  
‘Kakashi…He has a soft spot for me’ The notion made him giddy. Maybe there was something more after all.

“Yes! our youngest is bursting with vitality and the unparalleled energy of youth!” Gai wrapped them both in his arms, tears springing forth. Genma and Tenzo groaned as they were pushed together in a bear hug.

“Okay! Gai! enough!” Genma squirmed out of Gai’s confining biceps.  
“How about we get some breakfast, we can catch up and then train.” Genma suggested, catching his breathe.  
Tenzo’s stomach growled in agreement.

“Then it’s settled! I know the perfect restaurant! Shall we wait for my rival?” Gai looked at Tenzo, who sheepishly looked away.  
“I don’t know if he’ll be joining us, Kakashi…” Tenzo trailed off, biting his lip. Not wanting to divulge his captains earlier behavior, the nightmare, he thought it would be a breach of trust. He could just say he would rather rest, he wouldn’t be lying and he wouldn’t have to tell the truth either. “He…”

“He what?” Came the voice behind him. Tenzo felt his stomach kick up into his throat as he turned around.  
“S-senpai?”  
A bored, grey eye stared down at him. Tenzo could feel the electricity crackle between them. His gaze, the intensity, both exhilarated and alarmed him.

“RIVAL!!!” Gai swiftly came between them, one hand on his hip and the other pointed to Kakashi’s masked face.  
“I challenge you to a contest most passionate! Who can eat the most steamed fish!”  
Genma acknowledged Kakashi with a nod and a passive two finger salute.  
Tenzo was grateful for the reprieve Gai’s enthusiasm brought.  
Kakashi signed, thinking it over, humming softly to himself as he paced his arms over his chest, one finger coming up.  
“Loser has to pay the tab.”  
“ALRIGHT KA-KA-SHI!”  
“For the whole team.” Kakashi’s eye turned up into a devilish smile, he was clearly enjoying himself.  
“If I lose I will pay the tab and run 300 laps around the village!”  
Kakashi laughed and clapped Gai on the back, they started to take their leave.

Genma whistled.  
“Well, well, well, isn’t today our lucky day Tenz. Let’s give them a run for their money.” Genma snorted and nudged Tenzo in the ribs before falling into step with the others.  
Tenzo was dumnb founded, just a few hours ago Kakashi was cold and distant and now it was like a switch had flipped. Kakashi really does give him whiplash. He ran to catch up.  
\----  
The training session was hellish, a tournament. Everyone had to pair up and spar with each member of the team.  
Tenzo had severely underestimated his recovery time. His muscles protested with each reflex, his reaction time was shot. The hits were bruising and his lack of speed earned him only pain. This reminded him of his days in the Foundation with each punishing strike he was caught off by.  
“It hurts? All the more reason not to get struck, Kinoe!” came Danzo’s malicious voice somewhere in the recesses of his memory.

Kakashi and Genma were off to the sidelines as Gai and Tenzo sparred. Kakashi nose deep in another brightly bound book and Genma intently watching the exchange of blows.  
However, Tenzo could feel Kakashi’s eye boring into him, whenever he chanced a glance Kakashi was holding his gaze. There it was, that electricity again it sent lighting down his spine. It ignited something in him.  
Tenzo pushed his physical discomfort away. Separating itself from him, dissociation: another ROOT tactic. He wasn’t hurting, this pain didn’t belong to him. He fought on, blocking and matching Gai’s movements. Yes! he could do it, he thought, he could win!  
Or….he thought at least.

His thighs locked up, rendering him immobile, as Gai’s kick came down upon him, he put his arms up and waited for the final blow.  
‘well, this is it, this is how I die’ he thought briefly.’

“Maa, looks like the match is over, Gai you win.” Kakashi was standing in front of Tenzo, Gai’s foot centimeters from his face. Gai black flipped away and gave a thumbs up.  
“Another victory for sublime green beast! But Tenzo, it was unwise to accept a challenge in such a state! but I applaud your youth and determination!” Gai boisterously praised.

Tenzo fell forward, dropping onto Kakashi’s waiting shoulders. His chest was flush with Kakashi’s back, head hanging in the crook of his shoulder, by his chin. Tenzo felt a hand on his thigh, the fingers squeezed tightly and Tenzo’s breathing hitched, his hips rolling up instinctively. It was comforting for a second before Kakashi rolled him so he landed on the ground with an unceremonious thud.  
Gai and Genma laughed at Tenzo’s twisted expression something along the lines of disappointed but not surprised.

“I’m going to refill the canteens” Genma gave Tenzo a sly smile and turned to leave but not before elbowing Gai in the ribs.  
“Come on champ, give me a hand.”  
Tenzo watched their backs slowly disappear from his position on the ground. It felt good to be still, his heart rate coming down from the fight, he let himself relax.

“Tenzo, stand up. You and I are next” Kakashi stated cooly.  
Tenzo grimaced.  
“With all due respect, senpai, can I wait until I have feeling in my legs first?”  
Suddenly, without warning, Kakashi dropped down on top of him, thighs on either side of his chest, kunai at his throat.  
“Do you think the enemy would wait for that opportunity, kohai?” He all but purred. Tenzo could feel his face heat up, his adams apple bobbed against the blade. Kakashi looked absolutely predatory above him, he leaned in close to Tenzo’s ear, his hair brushing Tenzo’s cheek.  
“Maybe I just want an excuse to have you beneath me.”  
Tenzo could feel his brain short circuit. He could feel Kakashi shift on his chest, so that one of his knees pinned Tenzo’s shoulder to the ground, the curvature of his sex pronounced against Tenzo’s neck. Tenzo tried to steady his breathing, this had to be a fucked up ANBU tactic, seduce then kill. Tenzo tried to twist his body to grab the wist that held the weapon, Kakashi merely changed hands. Grabbing Tenzo by the forearm and maneuvering his arm, Tenzo’s fingers settled dangerously on the tightness forming in Kakashi’s pants.  
“Tsk, Tsk,” Kakashi chided.  
“You’re in a very compromising situation, Kohai. What would an enemy do to a young defenseless shinobi in your position?” He teased mercilessly, Tenzo shut his eyes. He could feel his own clothing becoming increasingly restricting and he had a feeling that Kakashi could undoubtedly tell as well. Because Kakashi shifted his weight to push down on his crotch. Tenzo let out a gasp.  
Kakashi smirked, obviously pleased with himself.  
“Seems like you have dangerous taste in enemy shinobi.” He applied more pressure, Tenzo’s hips rocking up against him. Sweat on his brow.

“I…give, Kakashi…you win, let me up” He tried to keep his voice even, but the waver was there none the less.  
‘What the fuck is he playing at?’ Tenzo thought helplessly.

Kakashi said nothing, opting to stare at him instead. Tenzo squirmed under his gaze, growing more agitated with each second. Kakashi was taking him for a ride. Throwing his weakness in his face, his feelings for the older man, using their this proximity against him and then humiliating him. He could feel a spark of aggravation at the thought Kakashi would so publicly toy with him.

“Let me up, senpai, you won…” Tenzo made a move to sit up but was tightly held in place, his eyes shot up to face the older man. Who was looking at him with a mixture of lust and…something else that Tenzo didn’t feel comfortable placing, he didn’t want to go so far as to say it was affection. But it made his heart skip a beat.

“You’re all dismissed. We have a mission in 2 days, I expect everyone to be ready for it. It’s a simple recon assignation combo” Kakashi addressed the two standing before him, when did he get up?  
“Perfect! Now is the time to champion our stealth!!” Gai shouted.  
Genma groaned, throwing his head back, stealth with Gai never went as stealthily as the Tokubetsu user hoped.

Kakashi’s eyes slide down to Tenzo and without another word, he vanished in a puff of smoke. Tenzo blinked, trying to decipher what the fuck had just happened. He sat up and Genma and Gai helped him the rest of the way.

“Champ and I are gonna hit a bar for some well deserved day drinking, wanna join?” Genma put his hands on his hips.  
“Genma…I’m not old enough to drink yet, I’m only 18.”  
“Close enough! Come on!”  
“I’m actually going to hit the showers…I’ll catch up with you guys later if I don’t pass out as soon as I get to my room.” Tenzo promised.  
“Yes! after that defeat Tenzo needs some time to rest!” Gai put a hand under his chin in thought.  
“Alright, fine, we’ll catch you later kid.” Genma relented and left Tenzo in the training field.  
Tenzo made his way back to the ANBU showers, racking his brain with Kakashi’s newest change of attitude.


	4. Love me, use me, don't lose me.

As soon as Kakashi teleported into his apartment he dropped against the nearest wall. Bracing himself with his forearm he palmed his aching erection. He closed his eyes as his breathing hitched.

The whip cord muscles flex in Tenzo's arms. Another needy stroke. The strong, soon trembling, thighs that carried him across the field, he memorized the sight. Kakashi slide down the wall, head resting against it. Fumbling with the zipper he pulled his throbbing cock out of his pants. Gripping the base, languidly stroked up to the head. He sighed with each stroke.

He called back the vision of Tenzo on the field. Pinned under him, pupils blown wide in confusion and agitation. Unable to get away as Kakashi used his weight to keep him grounded. The hard press of Tenzo's growing arousal. He let out a throaty moan, how far could he take it? How far could he push it. Out in the open like that, the same thrill that came from the mission fucks. 

The andreline of being caught and the uncertainty. His cock twitched in ancipition, he squeezed firmly working himself over. The sharingan flashing images of their last full encounter, he swallowed hard. He blindy reached for the lube in his weapons pouch. He let it drip on the head, working it down and coating the fast warming liquid over his length. He imagined a different heat enveloping him.

"Open up, kitty." He could hear himself say as he pressed into Tenzos mouth, pushing himself down the wet passage. Tenzo took every inch then, eyes watering, as Kakashi watched his cock slide into his throat with a firm grip on his hair.

A chill ran through him, as the imagery shifted to Tenzo on his hands and knees. Presenting himself wantonly. Kakashi held the base of his cock firmly to keep from coming too soon. He poured more lub onto his fingers making a tight ring, with his index and thumb. He pushed it, slowly, over his engorged head. He thrust up into it, keeping the circle small as his cock stretched it open. He could hear Tenzo's keening in his mind. He thrust again, the circle widening around his shaft. Kakashi gasped, sweat decorating his brow as he maneuvered on his knees, thrusting down into his hand, harder this time all the way down to the hilt.

"I want to look at you as we do this."  
Kakashi couldnt stop the fantasy, he flipped Tenzo on his back. He could feel the arms wrap around his neck as he thrust in. Could picture Tenzo's lust ridden face, his lips bruised from the earlier face fucking. The familiar fire pooling in his stomach, making its way to his balls. He thrust again, imagining himself pushing Tenzo flat on his back as he lifted his legs over his shoulders, Tenzo's star struck expression as he buried himself and over, each thrust more forceful then the last. Tenzo closed his eyes in ecstasy.

"Eyes up." He commands in the fantasy, Tenzo obeys, eyes half lidded, mouth slightly agape panting. It pushes Kakashi over the edge, he gives Tenzo one last desp thrust as he spills inside of him.

Kakashi's eyes roll back, his orgasm crushing into him and leaving him breathless. He grunts as he rolls over on his back, the fantasy fades and he's alone in his apartment trying to catch his breath after his explosive release.

He puts an arm over his face.  
'I should have just...' His thoughts trail off. He'll go see him, after he cleans himself up, he thinks. Maybe they'll just hang out, take a walk so he can evaluate his feelings with a clear head instead of the weighty nagging sensation between his legs. 

He can't discern lust from...from whatever this is at this point.  
'This...this is dangerous...But I think I'm past the point of no return. If anything ever happened..." He wills the thoughts away as he picks himself off the floor and saunters to the shower.  
\--  
Tenzo finishes with his shower, his muscles ache still. But the hot water was a blessing. He thanked whoever was in charge of engineering that the water pressure was akin to a fire hose. Pummeling the tension out of his back and shoulders.

Still confused over the incident at the training field but willing to let it slide Tenzo hummed to himself as he made his way to his locker, situated in the back obscured by several rows of other lockers. Furthest from the door and closet to the entrance of the showers, a perfect spot, no one would accidentally catch him with his towel down. He wasn't shy per say but he still valued his privacy.

He heard voices at the front. Echoing off the cermic walls and floating full force to him. Odd, he thought, as the locker room was usually empty. Maybe they wanted privacy too. Instinctively he pulled his chakra in close, it was second nature at this point. As a former ROOT shinobi, stealth was paramount to survival.

"I got back a couple days ago." the voice was familiar, though he couldnt place it right away.  
"How did it go? I heard there was a casuality, how unusual." the second voice was velventine.  
"Yah, there was, you were right though Hound is total hard ass."

Tenzo's curiosity piqued at the mention of his captain. He waits, he wouldn't allow anyone to talk bad about Kakashi. He had been in more then a few fights, since transferring from ROOT, over the way some ANBU tended to talk about Kakashi. He had single handedly put a end to the nick name "Friend Killer."

"Mhm, Hound does run a tight ship, as any respectable captain would." the velventine voice chimes in.

Tenzo feels out their chakra, the first voice he can place now. It was the ANBU who wore the bear mask, the other however, owner of the velvetine voice was masking his own chakra.

"Respect, ya, I respect him for managing to tote around his own personal cock sleeve." Bear barked out a laugh.

"The wood style user, You think they're fucking?" The other asked, Intrigued.

Tenzo feels his stomach drop, locker room talk. Locker room talk about him. His insides twist, he frowned.

"Hell yeah, I would bet money on it! You dont get it. Hound was in a foul ass mood before taking "watch" with him. Next day it was like nothing happened. Can't blame him, if I had a willing hole when I wanted I'd be in a fuckin stellar mood too. But believe me, I tried. Dropping hints since day 1, he never gave me a second look."

"I see, I wouldn't mind having him for a night. On his stomach fucking him from behind with all that hair. It would be like any other kunoichi, without having to worry about...unintended consequences."

Tenzo's traitous, anxiety ridden mind played back their last encounter. Kakashi holding his shoulders so he stayed on his stomach.  
"Its faster this way."  
Tenzo can feel his vision start to swim, anger welling up, making his intestines squirm.

"No wonder Kakashi pulled him out of ROOT. Foundation fucks would be the best, their trained not to have attachments, you know? Now he has him all to himself, win win."

Tenzo's heart was in his throat. He clenched his fists and grit his teeth. No, no, NO! that was not the reason. He saved him because they were friends, they are friends! They don't understand that. They found and carried eachother through the darkness, they don't understand, they don't.

The velvatine voiced hummed, not another damning declaration from him. Although Bear was sure to put it out there for the both of them.  
The silenced seemed to stretch on, but finally the silken voice spoke.

"I think it's time for us to leave, you have a mission to prepare for?"  
"Sure, sure, lets go."  
Tenzo could hear Bear slam the locker and the footsteps retreat and the door to the locker room close on its hinges.  
Tenzo lets out the breathe he didnt know he was holding, his blunted nails making crescents in his palms.

'....am I just a means to an end? I was so happy to be out of my shell again' He thought bitterly as he stared into his locker. His lip quivers and he sets his jaw in a hard line. No, Kakashi wouldn't do that to him. But...what was Kakashi doing to him, leading him around and leading him on?

Speak of the devil, or think at this point. Tenzo felt his shoulders tense up.

He could feel the familiar, prickly, chakra before Kakashi materializes, maybe hoping to catch him off guard again.

"Ah, you know eavesdropping isn't polite. I saw them on the way out, did they say anything interesting?" Kakashi asked, with mild disinterested.

Tenzo slams the locker shut, more force then necessary but he doesn't apologize. Kakashi raises an eyebrow.

His feelings are in free fall, he doesn't want to confront the ground at this point. Thinking he would shatter on impact.

"Nothing. Mission talk." Tenzo says curtly, avoiding Kakashi entirely. Giving off the same aura of disinterest.

Kakashi rolls his shoulders at the abrupt hostility.

"Maa, let's go take a walk while I brief you on the mission specifics." Kakashi folds his arms, leaning on the lockers that creak under his weight. He's assessing the sudden disturbance in Tenzo's chakra, he makes mental note of it. Maybe he's still miffed about what happened on the field.

But they don't talk about things like that.

'He's unusually tense...'

"No." Tenzo says sharply, eyes blanking out. His face becoming a mask as he glances at him, their eyes meeting.

Kakashi grimaces internally at the nothingness that meets his gaze.  
'Damn ROOT training.' Kakashi eyes Tenzo suspiciously.

"I'm going out to the bar with Genma and Gai." Tenzo turns on his heel and walks out, leaving Kakashi against the lockers.

Kakashi looks forward, agitated. He taps a finger against his upper arm in frustration.  
'So, Tenzo, when did we start lying to eachother?'  
\--  
Tenzo doesn't go to the bar, he wanders out past the training grounds, the pit in his stomach deepening. He wouldn't make good company at this point, even less pleasent if he started to drink. He wants to spare himself and the others the annoyance of an unnecessary interrogation that he knew would happen.

He follows a path he once took before with a ROOT operative, kinoto. His mission this time would be just as destructive, but it wouldn't be a person he would destroy. 

He drops into the abyss of the forgetton lab, roots and shrubs obscuring the entrance. Maybe smashing up an old tormentors projects would make him feel better. He knows it won't though. He won't go too deep, this time.

Whatever is waiting in the bowels of this damn place can stay there, he doesn't want a repeat of the last time he was here. He gets to work, throwing jars of unknown specimens against the walls, shattering glass and ripping up documents that used to mean something to someone.

He thought he was okay with their arrangement, even though he craved the closeness that they shared for a couple hours during rough times. He thought he could withstand the silence and disengagement that lingered. He thought he could compartmentlize the emptiness constructed after the pleasure. But that conversation turned his feelings in on themselves. He thought he could shake the need for tenderness and affection. He had thought that he didn't need Kakashi to love the way Tenzo loved him. He thought what they had was enough.

He tore apart the lab to show how ruined he felt.  
\--  
Kakashi confronts Genma and Gai the following morning.

"How was your night out?" Kakashi asks in a tone that, on the surface, conveys a carefree conversation starter. However, lurking beneath is a current of suspicion.

"Fantastic my rival! Dissapointed you did not join in the festivities as always. Genma and I had a wonderful time!" Gai was exuberant, not a hint of the hang over that was plaguing Genma.

"Ah, and Tenzo?"

Gai paused, startled. Looking like one of the Nara's signature deers, eyes darting from Kakashi to Genma in what amounted to sheer panic.

"With us the whole night, got punch drunk. Had a blast." Genma cut in, through his pounding headache. Making good on Tenzo's, unusual, request to lie about his whereabouts.

Kakashi folded his arms and tilted his head at Genma, supressing the urge to click his tongue.

"He did, did he?" He turned to Gai, who at this point was sweating bullets and avoiding looking Kakashi in the face.

"Yeah, he did." Genma leveled Kakashi unflinchingly.

"Gai?" Kakashi was now staring point blank at his friend, accusely.

Gai broke within a matter of seconds, unable to keep up the charade, throwing his arms up in defeat.

"I can't live a lie! Forgive me! Tenzo was absent from our glorious endevours! He came to us asking for a cover!" Gai sobbed throwing himself on the ground and clenching his fists.

Kakashi looked at Genma who in turn rolled his eyes at Gai's dramatic confession.

"So where was he?" Kakashi asked Genma specifically.

Genma shrugged, the senbon bobbing with his movement.

"Fuck if I know." Genma said returning the glare that was now directed at him.

Genma was under the impression Tenzo didn't just do things, especially things like this, without a good reason. So he didn't ask when the younger came up to them earlier that morning and asked for the favor.

"You two get into it or somethin?" Genma's tone was inquisitive, he's more clever then he lets on. Something Kakashi found himself wary of more then once since meeting him.

Kakashi didn't answer him, opting to pull out his book as a wall and flip the pages casually, making a show of ignoring him.

"Oh did you say something?"  
Genma knew it would be pointless to ask again. It was too earlier to get into it.

"Asshole" Gemna grumbled and Kakashi ignored that too.

Gai dusted himself off, wiping the tears and snot from his face and with the exact same overzelous dramatics exclaimed.

"For breaking an oath to a friend I vow to do 2,000 pushups for my transgression!!"

"Gai, chill." Genma rubbbed his temples, trying to subdue the grinding in his brain.

Kakashi flipped another page, mind swirling as the skimmed the well worn words.  
'Lying to me and then asking them to lie for you, like I wouldn't find out. What the fuck is going on.'


	5. Full collapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot goes down in this chapter and we're just getting started!

If Genma shiranui was surprised, he didn't say. A mere mirco-twitch of an eyebrow was all that could betray him in any case. But he was indeed, surprised. Gobsmacked even. After their earlier confrontation, Kakashi told them to report for the mission briefing at 4pm. A few hours later here he was, early, despite his still pounding headache. He was expecting Tenzo or even Gai but was greeted with Kakashi instead. The silver haired ANBU was not only on time for the mission brief, but early.

'Hell must have froze over.' Genma mused. He scanned the room Tenzo, who was always early, was no where to be found.   
"Hey Kakashi." He took a place by the wall.  
"Yo." Kakashi didn't look up from his book and Genma turned his attention elsewhere, knowing Kakashi was a shit conversationlist.

Gai was the next to come bounding in, still sweating from his vigorous repentence.   
"MY FRIENDS!" He bellowed.  
Kakashi waved him off and Genma nodded him over.

Where the hell he got that sort of stamina Genma wasn't sure. But what he was sure of is he wouldn't mind having some for himself.

Genma toyed with his senbon absentmindly as Gai told a story in excruciating detail and lacking an inside voice. Genma wasn't sure the man knew what "inside voice" meant.

Genma saw Kakashi's eye flick to the door and then back to his book. Genma could swear he could hear the gears in Kakashi's head turning, he wasn't as slick as he thought.

5 minutes turned to 15 and soon 20 as the three of them waited for their fourth member. Who showed up just shy of the 25 minute mark.

'Oh yeah, hell is an ice rink.' Genma watched Tenzo walk in and nodd to each of them. If Tenzo was keeping up a performance he was doing a great job.

The kid looked absolutely trashed in Genmas opinion, like he barely woke up. Hair in slight disarray, dark circles shadowed his eyes; He was beat.

"Nice of you to join us." Kakashi finally put the book down, tapping his finger on the cover.

'Getting a taste of your own medicine' Genma held in a snicker.

"I apologize for being late." Tenzo said without missing a beat.

"Mhm, a night out will do that. Tell me, did you have fun?" There was a smirk under that mask, Genma would bet his paycheck on it.

Now it clicked, why Kakashi was here early, he couldn't let it go so he wanted to confront Tenzo himself. In private would have been better but if he knew anything about Kakashi an audience was more humilating and that would just piss him off more.

Genma tried to give a subtle hand sign to Tenzo that Kakashi knew what was up, while Gai bit the inside of his cheek. Kakashi threw a look their way that warned "stay out of it."

"Got punch drunk. Had a blast." Tenzo said flatly, repeating Genmas earlier statement. They should have thought of a better cover then a one liner. 

Catching the gleam in Kakashi's eye, Tenzo had an idea that Kakashi had already got it out of the other two if their expressions were anything to go by. But he wasn't about to willingly confess anything.

Genma resisted the urge to put his face in his hands although Gai was already doing just that.

"Give it up, Gai and Genma already told me you weren't with them. Where were you?" Kakashi said getting up to stand infront of him.

"Are my where abouts last night pertinent to the mission" Tenzo folded his arms and met Kakashi head on, head tilted to look at the older ANBU. Body language saying he intended to fight it out.

Kakashi had forgotten about Tenzo's defient streak, he was so used to him going along with every little thing he said or did that it threw him off guard. But Tenzo did have a mouth on him something Danzo, no matter how he tried, couldn't beat out of him.

"They will be if you decide to make a habit of lying to your superiors." Kakashi narrowed his eye. Why couldn't Tenzo just tell him, tell him where he was and why he felt like he needed to be dishonest, it was eating at him.

"Then court marshal me, if you're so invested in what I do on my down time." Tenzo stood on his toes, hip jutted out and the grip on his arms tightening, making himself taller. Chest puffed out and clearly annoyed at Kakshi trying to pull rank about something like this.

Kakashi leaned down to get in his face, staring him down. Kakashi was tempted to pull his headband down to try to intimidate him into answering, via threat of the sharingan.

The atmosphere was thick, heavy with friction and crackling eletricity.

"Christ, are they gonna fight or fuck." Genma whispered to Gai, out of the pairs ear shot. Gai turned beet red and promptly gave him a smack for his obscenity.

After a minute, Kakashi relented. Dropping back into his usual lax demeanor without pause.

"Maa, don't be so dramatic." Kakashi stood straight and waved Tenzo off, like a petulant child.

Tenzo counted back from 10, jaw tight, willing himself to drop his arms and take a seat. It's not the first time breathing exercises had come in handy. He wouldn't give Kakashi the satisfaction of playing the "bigger man."

"Like a said, this is a straight forward mission. Gather intel and take out our target. We will not be engaging enemies unnecessarily. He's a scroll for each of you, memorize the formations and target information then dispose of the contents."  
\--  
No mission was ever as simple as it sounded on paper. Especially for team Hound. The Intel was correct, the strategy was solid. But it was still an S rank ANBU mission. Just because the team wasn't supposed to engage unnecessarily, doesn't mean the enemy wouldn't. Two ambushes later, the team seamily on their last leg, they encountered the target.

A missing nin from one of Orochimaru's latest "research projects." A member of the Leafs own Yamanaka clan, tortured until their mind broke, pumped full of chemicals and the subject of an experimental control jutsu, a mere husk of a person now.

"Careful..." Kakashi cautioned. Arm out keeping his team at a distance, crouching low to the ground. His sharingan exposed as his eyes drifed over the enemy before him.   
The ninja, a gaunt and ghoulish Inoyara Yamanaka, dangerously swayed side to side, watching them intently. Her muted expression was unsettling.

'There's nothing behind her eyes, is that how...I-" Tenzo swallowed, stopping himself, focusing instead on his captain's rigid posture, this will take a toll on them all. This was no time for self analysis.

'She's not a person anymore, just a shell.' Genma reminded himself, maybe that would make it easier for him. He shifted his weight, fingers dancing on another senbon in his weapons pouch.

'I'm sorry, we have to destroy you, this is not your fault, my friend.' Gai steeled himself, she was still wearing the leaf handband. She had been their comrade once. It filled him with such anger and sorrow, he knew she would have rathered died then fight them.

"Diamond formation, Weasel, Ox, take the sides. Cat, behind me, back me up. we need to end this quickly." Kakashi, no, Hound commanded coldly; Electricity crackling to life in his palm.

Gai and Genma jumped behind, flanking the vacant eyed Inoyara. Tenzo wove through his seals, behind Kakashi, waiting to assist if necessary.

Kakashi pivoted forward, incredibly fast. This jutsu always took Tenzo's breath away. A beautiful, lethal, technique excuted with grace and finesse; Kakashi was truly worth admiring.

A chesire grin spread across the kunoichi's stiff features.

"Secret techinque." She hissed. "Apparition." Inoyara made a one handed seal, pale eyes rolling back into her skull.

"Too slow!" Kakashi shouted, throwing his right arm out, aiming for the heart.

What he saw next made him cringe and stutter.

"Ka-kakashi."

The lightening sputtered, fizzling out. Stopping just shy of his target, paralyzed, eyes blown wide with abject horror.

"K-k-kakashi....please n-not again." The Rin before him cried, eyes full of terror pleading for mercy, tears flowing over purple clan markings.

"THATS--" Gai yelled, a ghostly clone rose from the ground behind Kakashi, kunai posed to strike at his throat.

The jutsu had successfully pulled the most traumatizing memory from his mind, recreating it as flesh and bone. It wasn't a genjutsu, this wasn't an illusion. It combined a transformation technique with the trade mark Yamanaka mental prowness. The fatal blow would come at his most vunerable point, while his mind was clouded with horrifying realization:

He would rather die then kill her again. 

There was no time for hesitation, Tenzo knew what he had to do.

'Kill the caster and the jutsu will fall apart, Kinoe, it's as simple as that. Don't hesitate or you will surely perish. Do you want to die, kinoe.' Danzo's voice pierced his brain, pure instinct taking over.

It happened so fast. There was no other way, there was no chance for mercy.

"Mokuton!" Tenzo slammed his hands to the ground. Wooden tendrils erupted from the ground, spiraling towards her at break neck speed, impaling the Rin from all angles, ruthlessly mangling her.

It was the only way.

Kakashi's breathing hitched as blood splattered on his face and hands. She gurgled a final plea, for help, hanging limpy on her makeshift crucifix.

The clone dissipated with her death rattle.

Kakashi was trembling violently. His vision blurred as he stared at his hands, speckled with blood, her blood, again. It shined glossy in the sun. Bile rose up his throat as his stomach wretched, the rampant pain was all claws and teeth.

The sharingan began to cry. Hot, satly, tears trickled down his left eye. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't think at all. He couldn't save her, he couldn't save her. "You could have saved her this this time. You failed. You let her die." His mind screamed at him on a loop, drowning out his surroundings. Tenzo had killed her infront of him, Tenzo killed her. Tenzo.

"Kakashi, are you-" 

Blinded by grief, he lunged.

The scream of birds and splintering wood was defeaning.

When the dust settled Kakashi's right hand had pierced through 3 layers of the wooden wall Tenzo had thrown up to protect himself. Forearm sunken into the wood up to his elbow, the electricty quivered. Rapidly losing its spark as the tips of his fingers brushed against the ANBU chest plate.

Gai had gripped his shoulder and the upper part of his arm, pulling back to create enough drag to slow down the assault. Genma was under Kakashi pushing back against his chest one foot planted between kakashi's feet and the other braced against the wooden shield.

When the world swam back into focus he was staring into Tenzo's eyes. No fear, no hurt, only concern. Eyes, dark pools, filled to the brim with tendernes. Those sweet, loving, eyes made him want to vomit.

Tenzo wasn't visibly shaken, there was no outward signs of distress. But Kakashi could feel the barest flicker of panic from his chakra before it was extinguished, stomped out .

He didn't deserve to be looked at like that, with such love. Not when he was a monster. Not when he could have ended his life. But he wanted to beg for forgiveness, he didn't deserve it. But god he hoped Tenzo would.

Kakashi slumped against Gai's hold, who wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled his headband back down. Genma cautiously rose from his position to access the situation.

"Easy, Kakashi." Gai took his full weight into his arms.

"Tenzo" Kakashi rasped.  
"I-I almost..I..could have...I'm so sorry, Tenzo...I-"   
"Kakashi, it's okay."

Tenzo's squeezed Kakashi's fingers frok his side of the shield.

"Please, Senpai, it's okay, I understand. We're okay." Tenzo was staring past Kakashi to the Yamanaka's mutilated corpse.  
"That was a fucked up jutsu."  
\--  
Tenzo couldn't sleep, the restlessness wouldn't leave him. He kept thinking about Kakshi's eyes, full of grief and anger.

'It must be hurting him.' It's the guilt talking now.  
'But it was the only way.'

He almost jumps when he feels the tentative fingers carding through his hair tenderly. He melts into the touch.  
Of course he would come tonight, it was always the hardest missions when Kakashi would come to him to feel something other then the gut wretching pain or the dull ache of empitness. Tenzo also longs to be filled with more.

Kakashi doesnt say anything, his face buried in the mass of tangles. His breathing is slow, even, and Tenzo can feel his heart beat against his shoulder blades. It's comforting. He wants it to stay like this, maybe they can sleep just like this fitted together like jagged puzzle pieces.

The hands slolwy make their way down to his waist, the hold is gentle but the fingers bruise against his ribs. The hot breath on his neck sends shivers down his spine.

Tenzo closes his eyes and drinks in the sensations, it isnt long until Tenzo can feel the half hardness pressing against his lower back. He had hoped for something different, tonight, but expected just the same. A nervous flutter turned his stomach into a field of butterflies.

Kakashi holds onto him with one arm while his other wanders down Tenzo's pants. Tenzo sucks in a sharp breathe as Kakashi grabs hold of him, moving in lazy circls with his hips above. It's not all rough and fast, it's slow and gentle. But he knows it won't, can't, stay that way.

Tenzo can feel the hot, burning throb of want build against his back as Kakashi moves and he wants the same. He wants to feel something too, he bares down into Kakashi's hand.

"Tenzo, I want you." Kakashi rumbles against the base of his neck, kissing between the words.

'I want you too, I do.'   
Tenzo feels himself grow harder in Kakashi's hand, already slick with his own fluid.

'No wonder Kakashi pulled him out of ROOT. Foundation fucks would be the best, their trained not to have attachments, you know? Now he has him all to himself, win win.'

Tenzo's eyes snap open, his heart crawls up his throat. The conversation flooding back and tainting this moment. He swallows hard, trying to rid himself of the lump forming and the ugly emotions that came with it.

'if I had a willing hole when I wanted I'd be in a fuckin stellar mood too.'

Is that what he's been reduced to? Nothing more then a receptacle for frustrations, thrown out with the end of the night and rise of the sun.

"Tenzo, I want you, can in have you?" Kakashi's voice is thick as he gives Tenzo a squeeze in time with well placed rock of his hips.

'Tonight will be different, Tenzo, I'll give you what you want, I want that too.'

"N-no." Tenzo says softly, barely above a whisper. Kakashi stops immediately.

"No...you...you can't." Tenzo all but chokes out. Maybe tonight can be different, maybe they don't have to do this.

Kakashi is still for a moment, he takes his hands off Tenzo. But Tenzo can feel the the change in his demeanor, a rapid cooling of the heat that surrounded them. Kakashi clenches his hands into fists and pushes himself off Tenzo. He's gone without a word. 

Tenzo can feel his fears solidify as anger transforms into tears. He folds his arms and lays his head on them, hiding his face.  
'Is all I am to you? you won't stay with me otherwise.'  
-  
Kakashi heads out and Gai drops down from his position in the trees.

"Shift change. Go rest." Kakashi isn't facing Gai, he can't face anyone right now. Not after the scathing rejection, even if it was what he deserved.

"Ah, rival, do you want me to sit with you? Today was...trying" Gai's voice was startlingly soft.  
"No."

Gai doesn't need another word he puts a hand on Kakashi's shoulder, who stiffens under the touch.

"I'm always here for you, don't forget that." Kakashi nods and Gai heads into the shelter.

Kakashi walks the perimeter alone, miserable.

'Of course he doesn't want me after what I did, I'm a fucking monster. He's scared of me now...what did I expect? That he would let it go, I'm so fucking stupid for thinking that. I'm not worthy of his forgiveness, I deserve to be alone. God fucking damn it.' 

Kakashi can feel the torrent of self loathing like waves. He puts his face in his heads, trying to stave off the trembling.

'I'll give him space, it's safer this way. I'm dangerous, I could have killed him today. I almost lost him, I won't lose him too. No matter how much it hurts.' Kakashi can feel his resolve strengthen, no, he won't lose Tenzo. He can still keep him safe, even if it's from afar.  
\--  
Tenzo is half heartedly relieved he can put his mask on as he falls in line with the morning briefing.  
Kakashi is talking about the formation they'll be taking back to the villiage and Tenzo hasn't caught a word he's said.

"That's it, any questions? None, alright let's move."

Tenzo is about to take a step at Kakashi's side. It was only natural, it should be a standard formation, it was in the scroll he memorized. He and kakashi at the front Gai and Genma flanking them. but before he can take his place Gai steps in. A wave of confusion watches over him.

"Cat, were you not paying attention?" Kakashi says wistfully.  
Tenzo's head snaps to Kakashi.  
"You're in the back, hebi formation."

Tenzo feels his stomach drop, he can almost hear it hit the ground on impact. No, things always went back to normal in the morning, what was going on? He felt rooted to the spot.

Kakashi sighs, repeating himself, agitated.  
"Ox and I at the front, weasel in the middle, you're in the back."

Tenzo drops his eyes and nodds, he takes his place at the back. 

They leap through the high trees and Tenzo could barley glimpse Kakashi's form past Genmas shoulders. They were only one man away from eachother but he could feel the distance between them stretch further and further, the chasm was growning. It made his chest twist.  
He could feel the anger making a startling comeback, it was like wild fire in his viens.

'Is this because I wouldn't fuck him? I'm being pushed away and punished because of that? This is wrong, how did it go this far.' Tenzo grit his teeth. When he got back to head quarters he knew what the first thing he was going to do.

'I'm going to find Bear and that other ANBU and beat the shit out of them on the training fields. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't feel this way.'  
\--

Tenzo took a deep breathe, his mask in his hand.

'If I go out there exuding this much killing intent, I'm going to get swarmed instantly. I need to calm down, it's just like a normal mission. Standard ROOT protocol.'

It was an open secret that some ANBU tended to go off the deep end and on more then one occasion try to take as many people out with them. He had to be careful, he steeled himseld placing the mask on his face and adjusting it just so.

He stepped out into the private ANBU arena.


	6. RAW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaoo back at it again! this chapter has a lot going on in it.

The sun bore down on his exposed shoulders. Intense, white hot, like his concealed anger coiled just below the surface. The smell of blood and sweat mingled with the heavy atmosphere of late afternoon. The stench assaulted his senses coupled with the heat, nausea bubbled in the pit of his stomach. But he would not lose his resolution. Not when relief was close. His decision final, Tenzo squinted, putting a hand over his eyes to survey his surroundings. 

‘Now…Where the hell are you?’ Tenzo scanned the masks of both familiar and unfamiliar ANBU, searching for his target. He closed his eyes, letting his charka flow like tendrils outwards. He wasn’t a sensory type like the Hyuuga or Inuzuka, not really anyways, more of a tracking specialist although he had his methods for the former.

His Mokuton was vast, natural, letting him seep into the fibers of his surroundings, coaxing and feeling the foreign chakra signatures that dotted the training field. They burned, flickered and danced. Rapid fires; blue and red blurred together melded into the fabric, the stream, of consciousness. He flickered through them, letting his chakra brush against them before moving on to the next.

A sharpened flash of burning heat-sizzling-arrogance came into range. The taste of heavy lead settled, bitterly, on the surface of Tenzo’s tongue.

‘Ah, found you.’ His eyes fluttered open, there he was, the ANBU with the mask of a Bear was talking with one of that of a Crow.

His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. A pang of blunted metal-crackling-ice shot through his senses and settled in the base of his spine. He inhaled sharply, biting back a shiver. A shock of white hair, suddenly, obscuring his line of sight.

‘Finally stopped avoiding me, huh? worst timing ever, as usual.’ Tenzo inwardly cringed.

“Why don’t we spar, mhm, Tenzo?” Kakashi turned up his visible eye delightfully, the last few days apparently never happened. Tenzo felt the corner of his lip twitch under his mask. He could hide his nature by his eyes, it was second nature at this point, but he was used to having the freedom a mask offered. Tenzo stifled the rising annoyance.

Kakashi knew it was a cheap shot to leave the barracks, Tenzo couldn’t leave without prior approval as the higher ups had him on a short leash, to hide out in his apartment for a couple of days. But he had told himself that he was going to stay away from the younger ANBU. Putting distance between them was the best that he could do. He was doing this for Tenzo, it was the what he could do to keep him safe, everything he was doing, he was doing for him. He didn’t trust himself if he had to chance to run into Tenzo at the barracks or, well, everywhere. 

But he would allow himself to spar with him, it’s not like he could get carried away with everyone watching. Though that had hardly stopped him before, during their team training. But it was the principle of the matter. He reasoned, he could let himself have this, it was just team building. This was a harmless interaction, he justified. They were teammates after all, he needed to make sure that Tenzo was in top shape, for the missions.

“Not now, senpai. I’m sort of busy and…” Tenzo peered over Kakashi’s shoulder, making sure his target hadn’t strayed too far out of sight.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at Tenzo’s obvious distraction.

“I have someone else in mind, maybe later?” Tenzo made his voice as even as possible, as to not arouse suspicion. He was still agonizing over the last mission. He picked Kakashi’s hand off his shoulder and shot him an apologetic look as he walked in the direction of the Bear masked ANBU.

With one last backwards glance Tenzo could swear he saw Kakashi, deflate? Would that be the right word for that expression, he almost looked like someone kicked his ninken instead of turning him down for a trivial spar.

‘What the hell is up with a look like that? Don’t tell me he took it personally, he’s the one that’s been avoiding me! ugh, I’ll talk to him when this is over. You’re such a pain in the ass, senpai.’ Tenzo scrunched up his face as he walked.

“Owch, he never turns down an offer to spar with his ‘senpai.’ Kid would probably drop everything for attention like that. If, you know, you hadn’t been such a coward the last few days.” Genma snickered beside Kakashi who gave him a filthy look and crossed his arms.

His attention turning back to Tenzo, who had a approached the group of semi-familiar ANBU and was now talking animatedly with them. He seemed particularly interested in the Bear mask. Kakashi felt his stomach churn, tapping a finger on his crossed arms.

‘well, isn’t that….peachy.’ Kakashi sulked, lip curling under his mask.

“Are you…seriously pouting right now?” Genma rolled his eyes and he shifted the majority of his weight to one foot with a sigh. 

“If it’s not one of you, it’s the other, on Sage. You two are a mess.”  
“They’re enraptured in the spring time of youth, Genma! My dear rival has someone who sets hi soul on fire!” Gai boomed from the other side of Kakashi.

Kakashi winced, leveling them in an impressed stare. When did Gai get here? Kakashi frowned. Feeling like he was being cornered, that would not bode well.

“Gai, don’t say tha-”  
“But! It’s true! You can’t deny your feelings it always makes you-”  
“Keep your voice down!” Kakashi hissed, an edge in his voice. 

Of course Gai would be the one to spout such declarations in front of the whole training field. Kakashi was thankfully no one was paying attention to the brightly clad man. Gai was like a loud, bright green, megaphone.

Gai’s eyes started to well with tears of passion.

“Do not.” Kakashi chided, feeling his patience thinning with his best friends antics.

“Seriously, ‘Kashi, just tell the kid you’re sweet on him and save us the misery of…” He motioned towards Kakashi’s whole body. “…This, whatever the hell you’re doing right now.”

Kakashi huffed. He was not going to be ganged up on by Bozo the Clown and Sarcasm Incarnate. No, he was their superior, he was the Captain and he called the shots. He wasn’t going to let them say dumb shit where anyone with half a brain cell would no doubt hear and start to form ‘opinions.’ He already knew the rumors swirling about him. He didn’t want to drag Tenzo into it too. There were some sick fucks in ANBU and Kakashi didn’t want to give them anything to say, especially about Tenzo.

“Let’s drop this.” Kakashi said coldly, his charka flaring.

“Yeah, whatever, fearless leader. How about we go two-on-one to take your mind off your wounded pride, alright?”

“As if that would be a challenge.” Kakashi looked at his nails with mock boredom. 

“A distraction.” Genma snarked.

“And we’re just as good as you are, asshole. Come on Gai, let’s show our ‘Almighty Captain’ that we can take his ass down!”

“I’m all fired up! I love a friendly showdown!” Gai bellowed, a glow of green emanating from him.

A friendly show down was the last thing on Tenzo’s mind.

“Bear!” Tenzo chirped.

“Let’s spar, we didn’t get a chance to see each other’s skills on the mission.” Tenzo smiled with his eyes, keeping his month in a firm line. His voice was as light as possible, the art of shinobi is first and foremost deception.

Bear seemed elated, overjoyed at the fact the one that got away would come right back to him. It had taken almost a week, but it wasn’t going to pass this opportunity up. The art of shinobi is secondly opportunism. 

“No doubt, But just because you’re cute doesn’t mean I’ll hold back!”

Tenzo grimaced, wincing internally. He didn’t want to play nice. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, I won’t go easy on you either.” He teased, putting a hand on the other ANBU.

“I always aim to win.” He winked.

“Okay then! if you’re so sure of yourself, how about…a friendly wager?”

Tenzo perked at the mention of the wager. He rolled on the balls of his feet, making himself out to be naive.

“Like a bet..? for…money?”  
“Nothing too extreme, I’m not the kind of guy to take advantage of a win. But let’s say the winner can get one thing they want from the other, alright? let’s see, what do I want from you.” 

Bear tapped his mask thoughtfully, swaying from side to side, he snapped his fingers.

“For me? I want a kiss.”

Tenzo made a deal of thinking it over, cocking his head to the side in thought, toying with a lock of his hair before facing him.

“I’m not too sure what I want yet, I’ll think it over….But it’s a deal.” He feigned innocence, ignorance even. He felt disgusted even agreeing to this deal.

‘I’m going to put you in the ground.’

\----

Tenzo and Bear leapt at each other as someone signaled the start of the match. Sparks ignite with each clash of metal. Armed with kunai they circled, sizing each other up. Tenzo made intentional clumsy movements, giving Bear openings. Lulling him into a false sense of security. Letting him believe he had the upper hand before tearing him down, trust and all. 

A kunai flashes in the sun as it was dragged across Tenzo’s flesh, blood flowing freely down his arm. Making his grip slick on his own weapon. He discarded it before catching’s Bears hand on the next lunge, disarming him quickly.

They engaged in hand to hand combat next. Exchanging blows they made their way across to the other side of the field, Tenzo on the offensive as Bear dipped and dodged the assaults. They both managed to get a few hits on each other, leaving marks that would no doubt form into an array of spectacular bruises. Tenzo wheezed as a particularly vicious punch connected with his ribs, he rewarded Bear with an equally brutal kick to the sternum. Sending him staggering backwards. Tenzo kept his foot work steady and guard up through the taijutsu portion, corralling Bear further and further from preying eyes. He didn’t want an audience. 

He pushed them to the edge of the forest. The first of a series of fatal mistakes on Bears part.

Bear used a substitution to gain distance between them.

Tenzo summoned his Mokuton, stepping on the beams and making a sprint for Bear. The weaving cords moving fast beneath his feet, serpentining like giant snakes.

Bear flew through the hand signs for Katon.

‘How predictable. His woodstyle may be versatile but It’s still weak to fire! he’s going down.’

“Fire style: Fire ball jutsu!” Bear breathed a giant fireball and hurled it at Tenzo.

Tenzo smirked, he fell for it. Stupid bastard.

‘Both his charka nature’s are weak against mine, this is going to be satisfying.’

“Water style: Raging wave!”

Bears eyes widened as their jutsu collided in a great wall of steam.

‘What?! That brat has more then woodstyle?!’ Bear brought his arms up to shield his face, he could see Tenzo still running towards him through the veil of steam.

Tenzo struck him from the side with the wooden tendrils from earlier. Knocking him back with more force then necessary. Bear pivoted, rolling, to avoid hitting the ground at full speed, his mask cracking completely down one side.

‘Son of a bitch!’ Bear seethed, forming more hand signs and throwing electrified kunai at Tenzo, who dodged them with ease.

Tenzo was familiar with Bears jutsu. His fire style didn’t stand a chance against Tenzo’s water and as for the lightening nature? well, Kakashi and him did have a history of trying to kill each other, it was only natural Tenzo found ways to avoid and counter that pesky chidori of his.

Bear used a clone to escape the next onslaught of wood, narrowly avoiding being pulverized as the tendrils smashed into the ground, creating craters in their wake.

Bear hissed as he backed himself up against a tree, pulling splinters from the fresh wounds on his arms. Blood pounded in his ears as he peeled the cracking mask from his face, shaking hands struggling to find purchase, the jagged pieces lacerating his cheeks. He panted hard, his breathing coming out in shallow puffs as his cracked ribs protested full lungs. Tenzo wasn’t pulling any punches, he realized, he was fucked. He felt a strange sensation swell in his chest, fear. He was afraid for his life.

Tenzo grinned wickedly as he summoned a mud slide to flush out his prey. There would be no where to hide. A thunderous boom resounded as the trees became necessary causalities, falling like loyal soldiers for his cause. The mud obliterating sections of forest as it raged.

As the match went on Tenzo couldn’t contain the killing intent leaking out of him. Contaminating the arena, a thick miasma of blood lust.  
—  
Genma froze, a shudder ripped through him. He lowered the senbon, he was about to spit, clenching it tightly between his teeth.  
“Hey…Do you feel-”  
“I do. Let’s go” Kakashi cut in, dropping his arms from his defensive stance and looking towards the path of destruction. Concern seeping into his exposed eye. The chakra he was feeling…was dangerous.

“It’s Tenzo.” Gai breathed ominously.  
—  
Tenzo wrapped the battered shinobi in thick tendrils, holding him up in a crucifix. His arms stretched painfully to the side, the muscles of his shoulders straining against the outward pull, close to dislocation. His head held firmly in place.

“Bastard! What are you doing?! The match is over!” Bear snarled, struggling against his bonds. He was rewarded with the wood tightening, pulling, biting into him. He gasped as air was forcibly expelled from his lungs.

“I won. So now, I want you to shut the fuck up.” Tenzo unclasped his hands, feeling the adrenaline thrumming through his veins. It was exciting. The familiar callousness of ROOT missions, right before delivering the killing blow. As much as it unnerved him, he reveled in it. 

“I don’t wan’t to hear you say another fucking word about me. The next time? I’m going to break your fucking jaw.” Tenzo hissed, advancing on Bear, taking long strides towards his target.

“You fucking psychotic brat! I hope you choke on your Captains dick!”

Tenzo’s eyes narrowed. He sprinted to close the distance, rearing up to deliver a final punishing kick.

His foot was caught in a vice grip on the downward swing, he felt the crack of impact break at least two of the owners fingers.

Bear laughed, he was spared, for now.

“Enough, cat. The match is over, stand down.” Kakashi said evenly. Squeezing his foot to drive the command to cease and desist. Kakashi’s head band was pulled up. Exposing the sharingan that glowed, dissatisfied, in the sunlight. Tenzo stared at him, passively. His mask shielding his features, his intent.

Tenzo wretched his foot out of the hold, breathing heavily. His mask shifted on his face, one dark eye visible. Where Kakashi’s eyes seemed to shine in the sun, Tenzo’s swallowed the light, a dark pool. He turned sharply, as if to leave. Kakashi didn’t understand, he had already abandoned a mission once for this man. He wouldn’t do that this time. 

Even with the sharingan, Kakashi didn’t predict what Tenzo did next. Tenzo pivoted, dipping down under Kakashi’s arm, using one of his back feet to propel himself forward. The sharingan captured it all, in excruciating clarity. The broad details of Tenzo’s back, the hard line of his jaw, the hammering pulse in his throat, the rippling muscles in his extended arm and the flash of green emanating from his closed fist. It happened simultaneously too slow, yet too fast to react appropriately.

Tenzo struck Bear with a charka enforced fist.

The sicking crack of bone as his fist connected, reverberated through Kakashi’s skull. Kakashi didn’t catch the muted gasp, Bear didn’t ‘have time to scream. The crucifix shattered from the force of the blow, sending Bear’s body careening tot he ground. Gai caught the limp body in his arms, cradling the bloody mess close to his chest. Gai’s eyes widen in abject horror at the violence Tenzo conjured.

“His jaw.” Gai whispered. Gai was accustomed to the savagery of war. But this, This he couldn’t fathom. This act of seemingly senseless cruelty, he could expect this from some other ANBU, those that thrived off blood shed and cultivated their blood lust. But Tenzo? sweet, gentle Tenzo, who displayed acts of mercy on and off the line of duty. But Tenzo was a shinobi, former ROOT. Of course he was capable of this. But Gai didn’t want to believe it, there had to be a reason, there had to be. If there wasn’t, Gai didn’t think he could handle it.

Kakashi grabbed Tenzo by the back of his vest and threw him to the ground. Small rocks embedding themselves in vulnerable flesh, tearing him up. Cutting his lower lip on his teeth as he collided with the dirt. Flesh blood mixed with battle grime. It stung, but this pain was a small price to pay. It was worth it. Tenzo shifted from his stomach to his forearms.

“I said stand the fuck down!” Kakashi yelled, charka flaring turbulently, torrents of lightening striking the vicinity. Tenzo could hear the heavy foot falls approaching him, he stayed down. He didn’t have the strength or the charka reserves to fight Kakashi, he didn’t want to. Kakashi had nothing to do with this. Tenzo inhaled a shuttering breath.

“Get up.” Kakashi growled. 

Tenzo rose with slow deliberateness, keeping his movements, steady, inoffensive. Tenzo didn’t flinch under the oppressing force that was Kakashi’s charka. Kakashi got close to him, drawn up to his full height, his eyes narrowed dangerously and he radiated the cold violence that earned him fear and respect as the Hound of ANBU. The temperature around them dropped, enveloping them in a murderous aura. Strangling whatever charka signature Tenzo had, completely overwhelming it. In his peripherals, Tenzo could see other ANBU shy away from the intensity that was rolling off Kakashi. Kakashi leveled him with a stare that was reserved for enemies of Konoha. Tenzo felt paralyzed, helpless, under the wild spin of the sharingan.

Panic welled up in Tenzo’s chest. An old dread, drudged to the forefront of his mind. Dread that flashed images of his body pinned down and lightening at his throat. He willed the thoughts away.

“I’ll deal with you later.” It was a threat, Tenzo realized, he would not come out of this unscathed. Kakashi raised his hand to subdue the other ANBU, weapons drawn up to dispatch a rogue shinobi. A crowd had formed, gathered in a circle to surround them.

Tenzo turned on his heel, pushing past the bodies that didn’t immediately move out of his way. Kakashi watched his receding figure, anger boiling under the calm facade. The frigid edge of rage cutting into him. He observed the ANBU, animal masked mannequins.

“Why is everyone standing around? Someone get a fucking medic!” Kakashi snapped at the incompetence. Everyone scrambled, jolted from their daze, medics running from the circle to their unconscious comrade.

Genma was kneeling by Gai, his face twisted in a frown.

“…Fuck. Is he…?” He exhaled. Taking in the damage Tenzo wrought. Genma could feel his stomach lurch. Gai looked away.

Bear’s jaw hung unnaturally to one side, gaping wide, as teeth found new homes in the grass. His face warping from the blow, features swelling beyond recognition. Blood congealing around remaining teeth and what was, perhaps once, his nose. One, unseeing, eye visible from the protrusion of bloated flesh. The broken iris looked like a cloudy fish bowl, or terrarium. The other eye was buried under mounds of tissue. The entirety of his face rapidly discoloring. His fingers twitched involuntarily. 

“Still alive.” A medic called, The rest of the medical team hauled him onto a stretcher. the grass beneath Bear, dark with an imprint of his body.

Kakashi glanced behind him, steeling himself against the horror. It was worse then what he thought. He brought his head band back down, not wishing to burn this into his memory, he had enough gore to stop up his nights as it was.

“Kakashi…” Gai started, unsure what Kakashi’s next course of action against Tenzo would be.  
“Don’t you dare.”

‘Don’t you dare defend him.’ Kakashi’s broken fingers twitched at Gai’s concern.  
—  
Kakashi found Tenzo in the hallway, he grabbed him by the straps of his armor and slammed him against the wall. The brute force making purple and gold dots pulsate in his vision as the back of his head struck the wall.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Kakashi dragged him up further, off the ground, so they were eye level. He shook Tenzo violently, pain bloomed in his shoulders as his back repeatedly met with the wall. His mask rattled against his happuri.

“What the fuck were you thinking! you could have killed him!” Kakashi was yelling, hot breath ghosting over the cold porcelain. Each word punctuated with another hard shake. There was no room to answer as Kakashi continued his assault. Only pausing when Tenzo’s hands came up to grab his wrists in a silent plea.

“You attacked your comrade viciously, Tenzo! His face was just an indistinguishable slab of meat! why did you do it, answer me!”

Tenzo wanted to yell back that Bear was no comrade, wanted to scream that he could have killed him and would have without interference. But he held his tongue, it felt heavy in his mouth, weighed down with everything he wanted to say. But he opted for silence, regarding Kakashi with detached impassivity.

Kakashi snarled, grabbing Tenzo’s mask with one hand and ripping it from his face, flinging it away. It shattered out of sight. Tenzo’s eyes slid past Kakashi to focus on the opposite wall.

“You fucking look at me.” Kakashi put his hand through the wall nearest Tenzo’s head. Pieces of plaster and sheet rock settling on the right side of his hair and cheek, flecks on his eyelashes though he refused to blink or flinch at the display of power. He leveled Kakashi with his vacancy.

Kakashi took in Tenzo’s face, the bruises forming from the fight and the dried cut on his lower lip, he searched his eyes. But he found nothing behind them. God damn ROOT tactics.

Kakashi could feel a renewed swell of anger coursing through him, he hated that look. Hated that nothingness that met his gaze and made his charka flare, sizzling and crackling with frustration. His anger crawling towards a violent climax.

He removed his fist from the wall, aching to draw it up again. To knock that look off his face, replace it with anything else. Even pain. Tenzo was looking at him like he did back in ROOT, looking at him like Kakashi was Danzo himself. It made his hands shake and his stomach sick.

“Answer. Me.” His command would not be met with disobedience, his charka presence pinned Tenzo to the wall. No one disobeyed Hound.

“He…” Tenzo started, lowering his eyes, the light coming back to them, finally. Tenzo swallowed hard, his throat bobbed painfully over the lump that was forming there.  
“He…” Tenzo snapped his jaw shut, he couldn’t force the words out, couldn’t recite the damning declarations. Couldn’t face the humiliation, if Kakashi knew what they were saying then Kakashi would have nothing to do with him. He didn’t want to be transferred from his team to save face.

Kakashi’s patience was out, he didn’t care about the reason anymore. If Tenzo wasn’t going to explain himself then, that was that. He wanted to shake him, put him in the ground for defying him earlier and now he had to deal with his impudence.

Kakashi dropped him, Tenzo’s body braced against the wall, caged in. Kakashi glowered down on him with anger and disgust. Tenzo kept his head down as he slid to his feet. Eyes trained intently on the ground, biting his lip.

“You’re off the mission. Don’t show up for the briefing. You’re benched until I determine otherwise.” Kakashi said curtly, quelling his mounting frustration. Taking a step back from Tenzo, it wouldn’t do them any good if Kakashi continued to rough him up.

Tenzo’s head snapped up to face him, bewildered.

“What? No! you need me on this mission!”  
“No, what I need is a level headed shinobi, not a hot headed brat that brutalizes their comrades! If I can’t trust you, Tenzo, then you’re not of any use. How do I know this is a one time thing when you won’t even tell me what it’s about!”

Tenzo clenched his jaw, his fists curling into balls.

“Do you understand that you’re off the mission, Cat?” Kakashi’s voice was chilled, far away.  
“Yes.” Tenzo bit out, his chest felt tight.His throat was raw as he attempted to answer. He wished that Kakashi hadn’t broken his mask so that he could hide behind it, wanted an escape. 

“Yes, what.” Kakashi seethed, he would get the respect that Tenzo had blatantly disregarded earlier.

“Yes. I understand, Captain Hound.” Tenzo all but choked out. He stood up straight to face his Captain, who regarded him with indifference.

“Good. You’re dismissed, get the fuck out of my sight.”

Tenzo nodded before pushing past Kakashi, back to his room. His shoulders started to shake before he entered his room. He shut the door behind him and slid down it to the floor, his fist hit the floor as his misery came to a head.  
\----  
“Tenzo’s off the mission, You two are to not have any contact with him. Tell Gai when you see him, where is he? I summoned both of you.” Kakashi read over the mission report and list of available ANBU.

“Seriously, you want us to ice him out? Kakashi something is up, Tenzo doesn’t…just do shit like this.” Genma toyed with his senbon anxiously, eye brows furrowed and his mouth a tight line.

“Gai’s still in the medical wing, where they took Bear. He’s pretty shook up about it, we’re going to meet up later. He wanted to check on Tenzo too.”

Kakashi looked at him sternly from over the paper.

“Guess I’ll tell him to change the plans…Kakashi, I’m seriou–”  
“So am I. Unless you also want off the mission, I would suggest you shut up and do as you’re told.”

Genma stilled for a moment, eyes narrowing at Kakashi. He wasn’t one for intimidation tactics. But he relented, knowing Kakashi had been pushed far enough for today.

“Roger doger.” Genma gave a two finger salute before slipping through the door.

When he was alone, Kakashi held his head in his hands.  
—  
It was late, the moon was streaming through Tenzo’s window as he sat on his bed. Armor discarded on the floor and a medical kit out, he was having a hell of a time trying to patch himself up, it was always easier with two people. Maybe he got too dependent on Kakashi helping him after missions, the thought made his throat tight.

There was a faint knock on the door, before it opened.

Another ANBU, a tiger mask, peeked inside.

“Oh, I’m sorry for disturbing you, may I come in?”

Tenzo nodded weakly, maybe the higher ups had gotten involved too and sent him as a messenger.

The tiger masked ANBU stepped in and closed the door behind him, removing his mask out of courtesy. 

“I saw what happened on the field today.”  
Tenzo stiffened, maybe he wanted revenge for Bear. Fuck he didn’t take into account if Bear had friends.

“hey, hey, relax. Whatever he did, he probably deserved it. No one does something like that without a good reason. Am I right?” The ANBU put his hands up to placate Tenzo.

“You…think…I had a good reason?” Tenzo was surprised, someone was on his side and he didn’t have to explain anything, he just…seemed to get it.

The ANBU laughed, it made Tenzo smile, a slight upturn of the lips.  
“I mean, unless you didn’t and you’re just crazy? But I don’t think you’re crazy.”  
“I had a reason, I just…it’s personal.” Tenzo fumbled with the medical gauze.

“You don’t have to tell me, I believe you. Here, let me help you.” The ANBU took the kit out of Tenzo’s hands and began dressing his wounds and applying antiseptic where needed. Tenzo winced at the sting, grateful, however for the help.

“Thank you, I didn’t expect anyone to come. My teammates haven’t seen me.” Tenzo’s eyes drifted down to the floor, feeling a wave of guilt. He saw Gai’s expression over what he’d done, he didn’t mean to cause Gai any pain. No one was supposed to get hurt, only Bear. But now his team was suffering because of him.

“No worries, after what I saw today, I don’t think I could’ve left you alone. I’m all done here, but we should meet up later, okay? I’ll be seeing you”

Tenzo smiled, genuinely, as he walked the ANBU out and closed the door. He laid on his bed, at least there was one person looking out for him. Through his exhaustion and post battle haze, he didn’t register the smooth, near familiar voice of the ANBU. He had a nice voice, something comforting, calming, almost like…almost like velvet.


	7. Ambivalence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ಥ‿ಥ I'm so sorry it took me so long! Time really ran away from me lmaoo!

Tenzo rolled to his side, light streaming in from his window making him wince, he cracked his eyes open and shielded himself from the offending sunlight. He turned over to look at the clock, 7am. He groaned and sat up, head throbbing. He made his way, sluggishly, to the bathroom of the small, standard, ANBU apartment. 

He inspected himself in the mirror, the minor cut on his lip nearly gone and the bruising minimal. He traced the back of his head, gingerly, over a tender lump, he seethed. It wasn't the first time Kakashi had him seeing stars. But he much preferred the other methods in which Kakashi chose to do so.

He turned on the shower and stepped in, letting yesterday's events wash down the drain. He felt somewhat better or bitter, he chose not to dwell on that though. He signed. Knowing he had to confront Kakashi today, before the mission.

He had to take control of the situation, control that he had spectacularly lost during yesterday's fiasco. But that could wait, his stomach rumbled a protest, he hadn't eaten since coming back from the mission.

He stepped out, got dressed and headed down to the cafeteria. He wasn't surprised to find the other ANBU keeping to themselves. Eying him, no doubt, with suspicion under their masks. He was used to this, being a ROOT transfer he was always regarded cautiously. Of course beating someone within an inch of their life didn't help his reputation either.

He spotted his team, to the far left and made his way over. Kakashi caught sight of him first, visible eye narrowed, motioning Genma and Gai to stand. Gai turned his attention to Tenzo, a spoon balancing on his nose, it clattered to his tray. With a heavy sigh, eyes closed, he stood up and grabbed the remains of his breakfast. 

Genma followed suit, shoulders tense and scowling, he didn't look at Tenzo. Hands shoved deep in his pockets and tray forgotten. The three of them exited the cafeteria and Tenzo stood in the center, feeling his world slowly closing in. 

Suddenly, he didn't feel hungry anymore. He dumped the trays contents in the trash and left through the other exit.  
\---  
"Feels wrong. He's just a kid."

"Tenzo isn't a child, he's a shinobi, same as we. That was proven on the field yesterday. Besides Those are Kakashi's orders, as Captain of the squad, my friend."

"Yah, yah, you'd jump off a cliff if he said? 'Cause I know I sure as hell would be having some thoughts about it."

Gai's face was grim as he did push ups, muscles shaking, sweat glistening between his brows.

Afternoon sun beating down on them as Genma sat on Gai's back knees up, senbon haphazardly rolling on his lips.

"I want to engage with Tenzo as much as you do! My heart breaks for him!"  
"These push ups are gonna be real hard if you start crying, champ. You're at 500 by the way."

Gemma folded his arms.

"I don't care what Kakashi says, that's my boy and I'll be damned if I let Kakashi's 'punishment' get in the way of getting to the bottom of this. I've got a bad feeling about the whole thing." Genma gestured with his hands, in a circular motion, grinding his teeth.

Gai paused, glancing up at Genma.

"We leave tonight for a week in Kirigakure..." 

"God, I fuckin' hate that place. This is gonna suck." Genma glared at the sky, like it would give him the answers.  
\---  
Kakashi perched on a rooftop, watching the clouds lazily pass him by. He tried to focus on the novel at hand, comforting well worn words provided no relief.

'Am I doing what's right?' he leaned back, precariously close to the edge, he wondered, brows pinched.

'I'm doing what's necessary.'

He snorted, unconvinced. Leaving Tenzo behind was just that, necessary, wasn't it? He thought it was at the time, glowering down at the younger man, caught up in anger. He wanted to hurt him then and for what, for not offering up details of his clearly personal vendetta? 

Distance is what Kakashi wanted and now that he had it, he started to think it wasnt worth it. But his pride kept him from backing down.

How easy would it be to seek Tenzo out and spill his guts, tell him how he feels and ask him to just talk to him.

'It's too late for that, I'm always too late. He's not coming with us, I gave the order and now I have to follow through. Come on, Tenz, why didn't you just...just tell me.'

Kakashi put his head on the book, his nose pressed against the pages, eyes closed and exhaling into the ink.

'I don't blame you, I was too caught up in the moment, I wouldn't have listened anyways. All I've done is push you away, of course you wouldn't come to me. It's what I wanted...or...what I thought I wanted.'  
\---  
Night fell soon after, the moon watching over them as they gathered at the gates.

Tenzo couldn't just let them go without at least seeing them off. He knew the risks, a mission was a mission. If they didn't come back, he couldn't stand the guilt of not seeing them one last time.

Tenzo stopped at a respectable distance, he could see the four man cell clearly from where he was. Tenzo noted the fourth member, his replacement, was a reluctant looking Ko. 

How they got the Hyuuga to accompany them after the last mission he was subjected to was beyond him. It looked like it was beyond Ko as well, arms folded and the trademark Hyuuga frown plastered on his face. Wondering how in the hell he let himself be drafted back to the team from hell.

Genma didn't seem in good spirits either. Standing, rigidly, away from Kakashi, who was giving a final look at the mission scroll. Gai was trying to strike up conversation, with a bright smile. It was admirable how Gai could be so positive when Tenzo could feel the contention that hung in the air, even from where he stood.

Genma narrowed his eye briefly at Kakashi before turning Tenzo's way. Eyes brightening and a smile breaking out on his face. He broke formation to come to him, putting both hands on his shoulders.

Genma's eyes darted between Tenzo's own.

"Look, Tenz, no matter what that asshole says, I'm here for you. Alright? I've had enough, we're gonna talk about this when I get back, 'kay? You know you can always come to me, I gotcha back. I'm sorry for earlier, that's not my style."

Tenzo startled at the sudden contact, eyes widening fractionally. He felt relief flood through him as he cracked a smile.

Gai chewed his lip, witnessing their display. He looked to Kakashi, who simply shrugged and turned away. 

Gai mouthed an apology before he bounded towards them, tears already threatening to spill. He snatched the two of them in a great hug.

"Tenzo!" Gai sobbed, his body shaking, Tenzo didn't fight against the hold. He relaxed into it and patted Gai on his shoulder. Gai put them both down when he was satisfied.

"I-I'm sorry for earlier, I...really lost it." Tenzo apologized, eyes drifting to the ground then back to his teammates.

"I'd say 'don't worry about it' but you really gave it to'em, pretty sure he got discharged from ANBU. Won't be seeing that dude again. Maybe... for the best?" Genma gave an inquisitive tilt of the head, trying to get a read on Tenzo.

"Maybe..." Tenzo looked past them to Kakashi, taking in the broad details of his back. His shoulder blades twitched before he rolled them up, to square them and stand straighter.

He knew he was being watched. Tenzo clenched his jaw, it was obvious Kakashi was hell-bent on ignoring him.

Tenzo noticed Kakashi the way a muscle jumped in the side of Kakashi's neck, he was starting to get impatient.

"You guys should get going."

Genma threw a glance back at Kakashi before he sighed.

"Yeah, he's already in a bad mood no need to make it worse, I guess." He ruffled Tenzo's hair, who frowned rolling his eyes, though he smiled.

"You'll be okay, kid?" Genma raised an eyebrow.

"Genma, I'm not a child." Tenzo replied dryly.

Genma snorted.

"Yeah yeah, hang in there kiddo. We'll be seeing you." Genma gave him a two finger salute.

"If we survive all the god damn rain." He grumbled before taking his leave.

"We shall return, my friend! Please take care of yourself in the mean time!" Gai clapped him on the back one last time, making him stumble forward from the force.

Gai dipped down, quickly, to whisper to Tenzo.

"Please, don't hold this against him. He means well."

Gai snapped up with a laugh and jogged back to the team. Tenzo waved them off. 

Tenzo swore he caught sight of Kakashi's lone grey eye, glinting in the moonlight, lingering on him before facing the open gates.

Tenzo sighs as he watched the receding backs of his team, they said they'll see him later. 

He hopes they do.  
\---  
Tenzo trained, alone, to take his mind off his troubles. Exhausting his body to free his mind. He was practicing switching between nature types to produce lethal combos. 

"Hey stranger."

Momentarily caught off guard, Tenzo dropped the jutsu. Whirling around, kunai in hand. He hadn't even sensed the other shinobi coming. The training grounds had been empty for hours.

The white porcelain of the tiger mask gleamed brightly in the sun, red markings shone like streaks of blood.

The tiger masked ANBU was tall, casting an unusually long shadow in the grass. He wasn't as muscular as the other ANBU. But he was lithe, well defined.

Tenzo lowered his weapon, sheepishly, placing it back in his pouch.

"I'm sorry, I didn't...notice you. I must have been really caught up in what I was doing." Tenzo put a hand behind his head, embarrassed. 

How pathetic, a shinobi of his caliber not noticing someone sneaking up on him. He shifted his weight, looking to the side.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you didn't sense me because I didn't want you too." He shrugged, stepping closer, waving lazily.

The ANBU's body language was non-threatening, keeping his arms down and shoulders relaxed. An open stance, bored almost, it reminded Tenzo of Kakashi. As if he had not a care in the world.

Tenzo relaxed, somewhat.

"I've been out here for awhile, actually, observing your training. You're quite impressive." The ANBU chuckled. 

Before dropping his voice lower, tone half serious as a visible, amber, eye stared Tenzo down through the mask.

"I saw what happened in the cafeteria, that was harsh."

"It's...the squad Captain's punishment."

"Hound is icing you out? Interesting. I wanted to check up on you, make sure you're okay."

"Ah...yes, thank you for your concern. I'm fine." Tenzo set his jaw. He didn't want to be coddled or pitied, he was taking his punishment like a shinobi, he wasn't a child.

The ANBU noticed the change in Tenzo's attitude. Quickly, shifting his demeanor to fit the situation. Keeping a careful eye on Tenzo's reactions. 

"Say, how about we spare? It's better to go against an unknown opponent then against yourself. First to 3 strikes wins?"

Tenzo raised an eyebrow suspiciously. He didn't have his mask to hide his expression. He folded his arms, protectively over his chest, eyebrows pulling together, lips pinched in mild concern. The last spar he was in, didn't end well for anyone.

The other ANBU observed Tenzo's uncertainty, using this opportunity to placate him. To gain his trust.

He put his hands up, always where Tenzo could see them, palms facing him. A gesture to do no harm, taking half a step back, to give Tenzo much needed space.

"No worries, I'm on your side. Besides it's just a friendly match, we'll both only use one jutsu. How about that? We can even time it, let's keep it under 45 minutes."

Tenzo always felt more comfortable in the confines of rules. Free to move between but never out of the lines set in the sand for him. Structure was stable, predictable, reliable. It was a grounding force that he had craved, a reason why he operated so well in ROOT.

Tenzo took a deep breath, dropping his hands to his side in contemplation, he relented.

"Okay, sure...first to 3, one jutsu, 45 minutes." Tenzo repeated tentatively.

The other ANBU nodded. He pulled out a kunai, the light caught it, reflecting Tenzo's face in the blade. Tenzo felt his breath catch in his chest. The ANBU twirled it around before letting it drop to signal the begining of the match.

Tenzo chose his mokuton, weaving the wooden tendrils around them. Trying to box in his opponent. He wanted to make this quick. Tenzo couldn't help but feel a pang of anxiety, thinking the ANBU would turn on him at the first opportunity.

He was wary, he didn't even know the ANBU's identity, sure, the guy was friendly enough. But then, Tenzo had been friendly with bear up until the point he tried to kill him.

But the betrayal never came.

Even though the ANBU had sucessfully evaded the mokuton for 10 minutes Tenzo managed to land a hit, tapping the other man's shoulder with a tendril.

"That's one!" He called out, the ground rippling beneath his feet with hidden cords of wood.

He felt a presence behind him, the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He felt a shudder race through him as goosebumps crawled up his arms. 

He was fast, faster then Tenzo inticipated. He cursed himself, be shouldn't have underestimated his opponent.

'Another lesson you will do well to remember, Kinoe. The physical appearance of the enemy does not fortell their skills in combat. Arrogance will blind you and give the enemy the upper hand!' Danzo had been right. Hadn't Danzo always been right...?

No, he hadn't. Not always.

Tenzo, spun, pivoting on his right foot. Throwing one arm up to protect his face and using the other to release wood from his finger tips. Pushing against the ANBU, striking his chest and making him stumble back. Putting distance between the two of them.

"That's two!" Tenzo reared back for the final blow, his blood thrumming under his skin. He was excited, this is what he had needed, a distraction. Chasing the thrill of victory, no other thoughts could occupy his mind. He was completely enraptured. More importantly, he was having fun.

More wood exploded out of the ground, just behind the ANBU. Cornering him, this would be it. Tenzo would win their spar. But Something was telling him, this was too easy. It shouldn't be so easy, something was...off. 

Something was wrong.

Suddenly, Tenzo's body locked up. He couldn't move, paralyzed. He felt the sweat roll down his cheek, dripping off his chin. His fingers twitched as he was held in place by an unknown force. The ANBU that had been infront if him was gone.

"This..." Tenzo struggled, but his body did not respond.

"Shadow paralysis jutsu." Came a voice from behind him. Smiling under the mask. The ANBU walked up and flicked him, gently, on the back of the neck.

"That's one."

He flicked his earlobe next, Tenzo winced.

"That's two."

He came around to the front, to face Tenzo. He flicked him on the nose, for the last strike. Tenzo, momentarily, went cross eyed, gawking at the offending hand.

"And that's three, looks like I win." The ANBU laughed and pulled off his mask, dropping the jutsu and releasing Tenzo.

The ANBU had strikingly narrow features. Eyes like a hawk that seemed darker, sharper, near the edges and thin lips.

"I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself, properly, I'm Shikarai Nara. You got two hits on me, like I said, you're impressive. But there were plenty of weak points to exploit."

"Nara...that's why you were able to use the shadow paralysis." Tenzo seemed perplexed, he brought up a hand to his chin in thought.

"I didn't think the Nara let ANBU recruit members of the clan?"

Shikarai sat down, motioning for Tenzo to join him. He hummed.

"You're not wrong." Shikarai mused.

"My clan doesn't let ANBU or the Foundation recruit members. They can recommend our skills and work along side us. I, on the other hand, joined a division of ANBU with permission." Shikarai stated cooly, his voice was even, smooth. 

He observed Tenzo from the corner of his eye. Tenzo's sweat damped hair clinged to his shoulders and cheeks, his skin glistened, Shikarai smirked. 

"Ah..." Tenzo breathed. It made sense, most of the promident clans refused to let their children participate in non-clan sanctioned organizations. The Hyuuga, for one, refused to let the Foundation have one of their own, much to Danzo's frustration.

Tenzo couldn't shake the nagging thought that he knew Shikarai from somewhere, if only in passing.

"Have we...met before? You seem familiar but I..." Tenzo trailed off.

"No." Shikarai stated quickly, easing into a normal conversation when he glimpsed Tenzo's sudden apprehension.

"I've only known about you since the day at the training ground. I work in a separate division, we wouldn't have crossed paths before." Shikarai's eyes flickered over Tenzo's face, scanning Tenzo's features for any semblance of recognition.

It didn't seem like Tenzo realized who he was, it appeared he had been playing the part well.

"A separate division?" Tenzo inquired, pulling one knee up to rest an arm on it, leaning forward to give Shikarai his full attention. 

Now that Shikarai had caught his interest, he intended to keep it.

"Mhm, I'm one of the captains of the intelligence sector. You see, I rarely see field missions unlike your division that specializes in infiltration and assassination. My main objections are observation and strategy. Though my specialty is..."

He gave Tenzo a brief, once over, with his eyes. Tenzo didn't catch the smirk or how Shikarai's eyes narrowed a fraction.

"Long term aquisitions."


	8. Like lightening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Team hound finally gets their act together and Shikarai makes his move.

Ever since they stepped foot into the wastelands of the mist, nearly six days ago, the rain hadn’t let up. A constant, agonizing, downpour. The wind, shaped droplets into icy projectiles that bit at their exposed flesh. They drew the ANBU issued cloaks up to their ears as they tried to stave off the impending chill. Though it had already made a home for itself in their bones. The cloaks themselves provided little to no safe guard, as saturated as they were, another sopping layer between them and the elements.

The persistent cutting weather was even beginning to pierce through Gai’s impenetrable exuberance, setting his teeth on edge with each mile they advanced. 

Thunder rumbled in the distance a, low, subdued roar; a threat. The sky darkened substantially, navy blue giving way to black. An ominous storm loomed on the horizon as lightening bloomed, far away, in bright stems. Gai could only look on, a helpless spectator, to mother nature’s impending wrath. He resigned himself to the harsh reality of their mission conditions. But Gai knew the true storm, brewing between Genma and Kakashi, had not yet reached it’s thunderous peak. The contention growing between them was palpable like the salt in the air, burning his lungs with each inhale, pungent as gasoline, waiting for a spark to ignite. 

Gai clenched his fists, it had started before they even crossed the border.

—

“Seriously, you couldn’t even spare the kid a backwards glance, huh, hardass?” Genma glared at the back of Kakashi’s head, his gaze boring into Kakashi’s skull. 

For his stunt of insubordination, breaking formation to greet Tenzo. Kakashi had placed him in the back of the cell’s formation. With Tenzo’s absence Gai took the position of his right hand and Ko the left as they leapt through the great trees of Fire Country.

Kakashi didn’t dignify the comment with a response, signaling a left up ahead with two of his fingers. Genma’s sharp eyes caught the only tell, that the comment had struck a cord with his frigid captain, the subtle coiling of Kakashi’s shoulders. 

Genma huffed, he knew he wasn’t going to get a response, Kakashi had completely shut down. Locking everyone out, typical.

‘Yah, fuck you too.’ Genma thought bitterly as he chewed his senbon, metal grinding against his teeth.

But he wasn’t going to let this go, not this time. He had enough of Kakashi’s self imposed solitude, his piss poor decision making skills, and when it came to personal matters: a lethal combination of the two aforementioned traits. 

Genma had known the man long enough, from academy days up till now, to form extensive opinions about his two separate personas.

Genma thought the world of Kakashi as a Captain. Hound had only the teams best interest in mind with each move he made. Calculating risks versus rewards. Backing down when the situation called for it and willingly throwing himself in the line of fire when needed. He would move hell or high water to bring everyone back home, no one got left behind. 

Hound had his respect and, should he even dare think it, his admiration. He would follow him to Hell, no questions asked.

But Kakashi Hatake? Well, Genma thought he could be a real bastard. Incredibly narrow minded, more selfish then not, and with a predisposition for self sabotage and isolation. 

A man steeped in self loathing, so blinded by past grief he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see the future. Hell, Genma wondered if he could see what was right in front of him some days or if he only saw ghosts. Even with the Sharingan, Genma mused, Kakashi didn’t seem to see shit.

‘you’re in for a rude awakening, my man.’ Genma seethed, spitting the senbon with enough force to bisect a small branch.

—

The shinobi made their way through the country side, sinking with each step into the saturated soil. The sludge seeping into their boots, oozing between their toes and down to soles of their feet. Slicking their strides and throwing them off balance, they had taken to channeling minuscule amounts of chakra to their feet to retain their stability on the uneven terrain. Genma had nearly lost a boot to a particularly vicious sinkhole. It would have been hilarious, Gai thought, if it had happened on any other mission.

Coated from head to toe in a thick layer of muck and grime, only added to the foulness of the collective mood. The filthy waterlogged armor chaffed at their skin while simultaneously weighing them down, dragging them further into the earth. Angry welts wept, at the creases under their arms with every pull of fabric, stinging with each soggy scab that was reopened and exposed to the elements.

Friction burns bloomed under their shoulder straps, rubbing the skin on their upper back and neck raw. The constant pinch and throb of skin becoming two sizes too tight was the greatest agony on their psyche at the present time. Merely continuing to walk became an exercise in not only physical endurance but mental as well. There was no relief for anyone. 

Kakashi tugged at the base of his mask every so often trying to alleviate the harsh, grating, cling of wet cloth against his throat. It felt like he was suffocating. Drowning with lungs still full of air. No escape. Kakashi had vaguely wondered what the weather in Konoha had been like this past week. Had the weather stayed mild with a small breeze to off set the dry heat or…was it raining there too? Making the inhabitants stay indoors to watch as the sky darkened and opened up, showering them in an early summer rain. He wondered, briefly, if Tenzo had been enjoying the sunshine. He wanted to banish those thoughts. But it was the only comfort afforded to him, so he held tightly to the image.

Ko had come to terms with the fact that this suffering was a fundamental part his life now, as if it was all he had ever been. The steady burn of his skin began to numb, not the cool release felt when feeling was lost, more like the perpetual ache of an old battle wound. The young Hyuuga merely tied his sodden hair into a top knot, the mud sliding down either side of his face, as he continued his scouting mission. Byakugan activated as he scanned for their targets.

Genma could feel the irritation simmering below the surface with each droplet that hit his person. His skin felt hot, as the anger thrummed, hypersensitive to every individual bead of water as if they would evaporate on contact. The abrasive granules of dirt grinding between his teeth with each roll of the his senbon. He had already snapped two of the damn things, in his attempt to stifle his tongue that was admittedly sharper then the thin needles. His temper would not be limited to snapped weapons, however.

Gai took their predicament as a self challenge, if he could not survive this then he would do 10,000 laps around the village for his weakness. What is rain, agony and discomfort to a shinobi? 

He could feel the pain, therefore he reveled in it, he was alive. He was alive and in the pinnacle of his youth, he would not concede to atmospheric pressure. He would take torment in stride, he would see this through. But he was still worried, very worried as he stole another glance at the approaching tempest before shifting his gaze forward. Worried not only the companions in front of him, but for the one they left behind.  
—  
The mission was simple enough: Gather intelligence about a suspected arms deal happening between a rebel faction and shinobi of a enemy village. Shadow the enemy long enough to get solid evidence to prove that the peace treaty between their villages had been breached. Once they arrived back in the village, necessary action would be taken according to the information obtained. 

Kakashi’s own summons had been rendered useless, the dogs couldn’t track in these conditions. The scent eradicated by the rain, washed away to dead ends or false leads. A frustrating turn of events. Genma in particular was growing more and more irate with each loss of ground. The team couldn’t get close, or stay close enough, to their targets to collect accurate data. 

The team had been solely relying on Ko’s Byakugan to track their targets. But chakra exhaustion was a constant threat to the Hyuuga. A price to pay for prolonged periods of activation. 

Ko’s eyes stung as he strained to focus, the veins to either sides of his eyes receding as his Byakugan bled away. The targets had been lost for the final time.

“The targets have exited the border. They are out of our jurisdiction, Captain.” Ko reported.

“Son of a bitch! This wouldn’t have happened,” Genma hissed under his breath.

“If we just brought Tenzo along.” Genma’s voice thick with agitation, teeth scraping together with each word.

Gai put a hand on Genma’s shoulder, he could feel the other man tense under his gesture. Trembling with unresolved tension that bled into every interaction. Genma shrugged off his hand, dropping his shoulder low, Gai’s hand slid off. Gai did not make another attempt to comfort his comrade knowing the futility. His efforts would be met only with teeth and resistance.

Kakashi had refused to acknowledge Genma again. Refused to acknowledge the situation. Choosing instead to stand under the weight of the mission failure, eyes straight ahead and back tense. Mulling over their last night in the Mist and their grueling return to Konoha, nothing to show for their efforts.

Night had fallen, now, bringing with it the onslaught of hell frozen rain.

“Yeah, we didn’t bring the only one who could track and make a shelter. But good thing we got the due who can see! hey Ko!” Genma finally snapped, the water running in rivulets down his face, as he snarled.

“Can you see when this fucking rain is going to let up?!”  
“No, but I can see your chakra flaring. Are you perhaps agitated?” Ko quipped while activating his Byakugan, folding his arms.

“You really need the Byakugan to see i’m pissed?!”  
“No.” Ko inspected his fingernails casually, picking the mud out from under his index finger with his thumb.

“It’s painfully obvious you can’t keep your emotions in check.”  
“Can it, fish eyes before I check you!”

Gai got between the squabbling Jonin, trying to placate an irate Genma and a fuming Ko.

Kakashi weaved signs to bring a small mud hut into existence. At least they would be out of the rain for their last night.

“Great, we can escape the rain by sleeping in the mud, again.”  
“Quit your bitching.” Kakashi cut in cruelly, voice like ice.

Genma snapped, stomping over to Kakashi and turning him violently so they were face to face.

“Shut the fuck up! I don’t even want to hear that shit from you! This shit show of a mission is on you! We lost the targets and missed key info! A band of rag tag Genins could do better! ANBU black ops my ass!” Genma shouted, animosity on full display. 

Kakashi narrowed his eye, grabbing Genma’s hands and throwing them off himself. Drawing himself up to full height to get in Genma’s face. They were nearly nose to nose.

“Listen to me–”  
“No! You listen to me, Kakashi!” Genma spit.

“You made the call to leave Tenzo behind and push him away. Now you’re miserable without him, dragging us all into the literal fucking mud with you. You weren’t thinking of your team or the mission when you made that decision. You were just thinking of yourself! You wanted to be alone, now suck it the fuck up. When we get back I sure as hell hope this opened his eyes to what a self centered bastard you are.” Genma raged, senbon forgotten in the mud.

Genma didn’t give Kakashi room to speak as he spat venom.

“You’ve been like this since we were kids! You haven’t changed at all, yah, I get some fucked up things happened but you’re not the only person to lose people or go through shit. You’re just a coward! Brave enough to drag Tenzo around but as soon as things get too complicated you run away!”

“You push everyone away and I hope you choke on your loneliness!”

“Fuck this!” Genma pushed past Kakashi, shoulder checking him, into the mud hut. Kakashi stayed rooted to the spot.

“I’ll see if I can calm him down…” Ko sighed, loudly, as he followed Genma. Their early quarrel forgotten entirely. 

Kakashi stood for a moment, leveling his breathing.

“I’m taking first watch.”

He walked away from the shelter to perch on a large boulder, staring out into the wastes of flat land. The sparse trees like long shadows that dotted the landscape.

Gai came later, dropping his cloak onto Kakashi’s shoulders.

“You’ll catch your death, rival.” His voice as soft as he sat down.  
“Kakashi…Genma, He was just angry, He was…”  
“He was right, Gai.”

Gai looked at him, eyebrows pinched together and his bottom lip under his teeth.

“I’m a coward. I can go to the depths of the foundation and convince Tenzo to trust me, follow me and pull him out of that hell. But I’m not brave enough to tell him how I feel.” Kakashi laughed. But there was no humor in it.

“But when it really…Came down to it, I fucked it up. Because I was afraid…Everyone leaves, eventually, So I left first…”

Kakashi didn’t raise his head, opting to place it on his knees, over his folded arms.

“Why haven’t you left yet? I’ve been pushing you out since we were kids.”  
“Because, Kakashi. You are my man of destiny, my eternal rival. You are my greatest ally and my best friend. I could not leave you to suffer alone.”

Gai smiled, clapping Kakashi on the back.

“Everything that I have been able to accomplish is in due part thanks to you and our challenges. I could not have asked for a more splendid friend. You are rough around the edges but inside I know you care and isn't that the hardest thing we can do?”

Kakashi could feel a lump form in his throat, his jaw clenched to stave back the emotion welling up inside. He didn’t deserve what Gai was telling him.

“But above all else: If the time comes you will be there to carry me home and I, too, shall carry you.”

Gai rested his hand on Kakashi’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I know our dear Tenzo feels the same way.”  
“The way I've treated him, the last couple weeks, Gai..I don’t think…”

“There is always time to apologize. When you do he will welcome you back with open arms. Kakashi, I am sure of it. I’ve sen the way he looks at you, so full of admiration and love and the way you look back. He could never think less of you.”

“Gai…I…Thank you.” Kakashi choked out, closing his eyes to take a deep breath. The damn of emotion breaking within him, he tried to compose himself.

“I know, deep inside, you don’t want to be alone. With him, you won’t have to be. Please, Kakashi, when we get back go talk to him.”

“I will.”

Gai smiled brightly, all teeth as he wrapped his arms around Kakashi and held him tight, Kakashi tapped out after a minute or two. Gai drew back.

“As for Genma, I owe him and Ko an apology. You too, Gai, you’re always there for me and…I’ve been a shitty friend and just an overall fucking awful person. Gai, I’m sorry, thank you for everything you’ve done and I–”

Gai’s eyes started to glisten with tears.

“Gai, please, I’m trying to be–”  
“OH RIVAL!” Gai bellowed as he threw himself at Kakashi, taking them both down into the mud.  
—  
It took a couple week so of ambitious measures, strategically moving pawns and pieces across the board. But pulling the strings from the shadows had always been his forte.

Shikarai’s meticulously crafted plan was going to by off by the last night of team Hound’s mission, the timing couldn’t be better. He could taste the satisfaction of snatching Hound’s prized subordinate out from under him. He would obtain everything he set out to own. Everything Tenzo had to offer, his loyalty, submission, and, not withholding, his body would be his.

Bear had played his part well, albeit unknowingly, he was off the board entirely. Not that he posed a threat, merely a devised causality to Shikarai’s game.

Bear had been Shikarai’s subordinate, he recommended him for the six man mission in the beginning after all. Fed him ideas to try and seduce the wood style user, led him to the locker rooms where he knew Tenzo would be and if Bear just happened to let his intentions slip when he thought they were alone. Well, no one was the wiser.

Masking his chakra signature was too easy, making the prime target of Tenzo’s wrath Bear. Inviting Bear to the training grounds after he observed the rift forming between Kakashi and Tenzo. He excused himself from the training field earlier that day, watching from a safe distance as the carnage unfolded. 

Now he had Tenzo alone, away from the watchful eyes of his doting Captain.

Molding his personality to one that would put Tenzo at ease was simple. A lazy, carefree demeanor that held a subdued cutting edge just under the facade; He had been watching Kakashi closely as well, mimicking the subtle micro-expressions that would allow him to get as close as possible in the shortest amount of time. Tweaking his articulation, however, for a more opened and accommodating attitude had been a success. Tenzo had been very receptive to these changes, he noted.

Every person, shinobi or civilian, ex-ROOT or otherwise, needed comfort and companionship. Necessities that Shikarai was more then happy to supply.

Shikarai had Tenzo had spent everyday of the week together, with the other ANBU giving Tenzo a wide berth, Shikarai was able to insert himself into Tenzo’s daily life with little interference. It started as meeting up to train in the mornings, soon afternoons bled into their routine. Soon Tenzo found himself occupying more and more of the intelligence Captain’s time.

“I’m not..pulling you away from your duties, am I?” Tenzo took a drink from his water bottle, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“Oh, no. I’m waiting to hear back on a new applicant.”  
“New applicant?”  
“Mhm, one of my subordinates was recently transferred out. I need a position to be filled.”  
“What sort of position?”  
“That’s classified…Unless, you’re interested?” Shikarai gave him a smile, one that made the corners of his eyes turn up softly, showing his teeth while he tilted his head back.

Tenzo flushed, nearly spitting out his drink.

“NO!” Tenzo stiffened, he really didn’t mean for it to come out like that.

“N-No, I mean, I couldn’t leave my team…We work really well together and…I don’t think they would want me gone either.”

Shikarai raised an eyebrow, leveling Tenzo with question almost like:

‘But didn’t they already leave you behind, how close can you be to them?’

“I admit, thing’s are a little tense between Hound and I lately…But when he comes back…I’m going to fix it…” Tenzo looked towards the leaves, wavering in the wind, face fixed with determination.

“I’m going to fix everything…”

Shikarai snorted and Tenzo whipped back to him, embarrassed that he was caught up in his own thoughts.

“I don’t think i’m cut out to be cooped up anyways, uh…no offense?” Tenzo smiled nervously, rolling on the balls of his feet.

Shikarai waved him off. That’s what Tenzo liked about Shikarai, he was laid back and rarely took anything to heart. 

He was an easy friend, just what Tenzo needed.

“Don’t worry about it…But maybe think on it. A change of pace could be beneficial.”

Tenzo was about to retort when Shikarai cut him off.

“Speaking of…a change of pace. Why don’t you come out with me tonight? Some of the other Captains are getting together for a drink.”  
“Um, I’m not old enough, I’m 18 and I–”  
“If you’re old enough to kill a person you’re old enough to drink. The bar won’t have a problem serving a member of the ANBU. Come on, your team will be back tomorrow, one last night before you have to face them, liquid courage and all.”

Tenzo thought it over, Shikarai had a point. 

“Okay, I’ll come out!” Tenzo beamed, he couldn’t refuse Shikarai. Not when the Captain had been so understanding from the start, he could at least do this for him.

“Perfect.” Shikarai smiled at him again, closing his eyes to hide the mischievous glint.  
—  
Genma and Ko emerged from the shelter, looking worse for wear then when Kakashi and Gai saw them last. They started to pack as Genma approached Kakashi, hands shoved down into his pockets and the beginning of a scowl on his face. Like a petulant child who had been talked into apologizing.

“Kakashi, look, there are some things I shouldn’t have said, So I’m–”  
“I’m sorry.”

The senbon nearly dropped out of his gaping mouth as Genma blinked, once, twice to make sure what he was witnessing wasn’t a hallucination.

“I–…What?”  
“You were right. What you said, you were right. I’ve been a lousy captain and a bastard.”

Genma tried to compose himself, caught completely off guard by Kakashi’s nonchalance. He looked from Kakashi to Gai to Ko then back again.

“Kakashi. I swear if this is a genjutsu and I’m actually on the ground pissing my pants in the mud I’ll never forgive you.”

Kakashi snorted.

“Like I would waste chakra on that.”

Genma smiled too.

“You would.”  
“You’re right, I would. But it’s not…I am sorry, I should’ve handed my shit better instead of taking it out on the mission.”  
“Damn right you should have, I should honestly just kick your ass!” Genma bit out. 

Gai winced and Ko looked on with curiosity, he wondered if they would actually get into a fist fight over this.

“But…yah, okay, when’s the next time I’ll be able to say that Kakashi fuckin’ Hatake apologized. I’ll forgive you, this time. But you’re on thin fuckin’ ice, got it?”

Genma and Kakashi clapped their hands together, pulling each other close to bring their shoulders together.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Gai started tearing up again before flinging himself in the center, grabbing the two of them and lifting them up.

“The power of youth prevails once again! My most precious comrades have reconciled!”

Ko stood off to the side, completely and utterly dumbfounded. He put his head in his hands, mumbling about the dumpster fire that was team Hound. He was never going to let himself be talked into being a stand in for these dumbasses.

“You too, Ko! My blank eyed friend!”  
“I’m fine here, thank you–”

Ko didn’t get a chance to finish as he was pulled into Gai’s arms, being smashed between Kakashi and Genma. Who were laughing and even egging Gai on to pull them up higher.

Again, he would never, ever, let himself be talked into joining this team again. He would sooner join the foundation.

“Alright team. Let’s head back. There’s nothing left for us here.”  
—  
Later that evening Tenzo found himself in the company of the intelligence Captains. The bar was dimly lite with shinobi of all classes milling around, talking loudly among themselves about missions and daily life. Tenzo and the Captains had tucked themselves away in a secluded corner for privacy. Tenzo and Shikarai sat together with the other two Captains occupying the opposite seats of the booth. 

Shot glasses littered the table as they took turns slamming them back between swapping stories. Tenzo was starting to feel the effects after his third shot, or was it the fourth? He couldn’t recall but it couldn’t have been more then six. He wasn’t drunk, not yet, at least he didn’t think.

“So you’re on Hound’s team, eh? Got any stories aboutt’em?” One of the Captains, a man with large scar over his lip asked, as he leaned forward. Tenzo could feel his hot breath waft over his face.

“Hound is literally the best person I’ve ever known!” Tenzo stated without missing a beat, slurring his words as he went.

“Ya sure? Because I’ve heard some less then favorable things about him. Heard that he onc–”  
“No! I’m telling you, Kakashi seems like a hardass on the outside but inside he’s the softest most caring person! Believe me, we once sat for twenty minutes so that a stray dog would come to him so he could pet it! twenty minutes! We were both late for a mission briefing from the Hokage! over a dog! because Kakashi thought the dog looked sad, so we sat there and waited until it came over to us!” Ah, Tenzo was drunk.

Definitely drunk, he couldn’t stop the words from coming out, gushing over Kakashi and every little thing he did.

The Captains traded looks of bewilderment over this side of Cold-Blooded Kakashi. They couldn’t wrap their head around it, they were hoping the kid would complain about what a slave driver Kakashi was or something equally disturbing, this isn’t what they had come out here for. 

Shikarai slid other shot over to Tenzo, who knocked it back without a problem. Getting over his initial shyness after the second shot.

“A dog?” The two Captains looked at Shikarai, who shrugged and put his palms up. He had no idea either, he was just as surprised but opted to let Tenzo ramble on as long as he wanted.

“Senpai loves dogs, you know he has eight of them? It’s so wild! they all of headbands too, have you ever seen a dog with a head band before? He even dresses them up! one time, Senpai invited me over so that I could help them with a bath because they know all his tricks to get them in the water. But they weren’t expecting me and so–”

“Hound invited you over to his house?” The other Captain, a small eyed man, who more so resembled a rat to Tenzo, spoke up.

“Oh yeah, we hang out a lot. Senpai was my first friend too, I had no idea what a friend was until he showed up. He literally turned my whole world upside down! The third time I met him I had an existential crisis and betrayed Lord Danzo!” 

The scarred Captain mouthed “what the fuck?”

“I think you’ve had enough, Tenzo. We should get going, don’t you think?” Shikarai put an arm around Tenzo’s shoulders and pulled him close to his side. Tenzo let it happen, the table had a suspicious tilt to it. Actually, the whole establishment seemed to be going sideways. His body felt heavy almost painfully so. But his head felt too light, like it was about to detach from his body and float away. He could feel his eyes in his sockets and all the teeth in his mouth. It was jarring to say the least. He closed his eyes and nodded, trying to find his equilibrium. 

Shikarai and Tenzo said their farewells as they made their way back to the barracks. Tenzo leaning heavily on Shikarai for support. His legs felt like gelatin, making it difficult to walk or hold himself upright. The lights of Konoha blurred together, too bright to focus properly, until the darkness of the ANBU compound brought the light down to a manageable level. He could finally open his eyes without squinting. He attributed the light sensitivity and abrupt dizziness to the alcohol, this explanation seemed logical to his hazy mind.

Shikarai stopped them outside of the apartment door as Tenzo clumsily made hand seals to produce a key.

“Well, isn’t that neat?”  
“This way I’ll never lose a key this way.” Tenzo grinned as he opened the door on his third attempt.

Tenzo steadied himself outside of Shikarai’s arms, finding purchase on the door frame. Shikarai stood, almost unexpectedly. 

“It was…a good time, thank you, I really…needed it.”

Shikarai watched him, his eyes clear, almost like he hadn’t done his share of drinking. He leaned forward, taking a step and pressing his lips against Tenzo’s. Tenzo closed his eyes and kissed back for a fraction of a second, his hands on Shikarai’s face. Before he drew back, cheeks flushed and sputtering in embarrassment. 

“No…No, I’m sorry I can’t…I can’t do that.” Tenzo gathered himself, taking a step back inside his apartment and putting a hand on the door to shut it.

“Uh, I’ll see you?” Tenzo went to shut it, but the door was held open by Shikarai’s foot.

“You’re not going to invite me in, Tenzo?” Shikarai put his hand on the door, sliding his fingers along the side to grip it. Pushing it open. Tenzo’s body couldn’t generate the strength to push back against the force of the door opening.

Shikarai’s face blurred before Tenzo was seeing double, he tried to blink away the extra images but they remained. His limbs started to tingle, like they were going numb.


	9. Always on my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The origin of the title is in this chapter ayyy, check me out updating twice lmao. noncon in this one, it gets graphic a heads up!

The small town on the border of Mist was mostly a tourist attraction, small specialty shops dotted the streets. The vendors trying to sell their wares to anyone who spared them a glance. 

Gai and Genma were caught up in trying to convince Ko to buy a historical Kiri robe. Ko didn’t know if they were making fun of him or not for enjoying the more traditional aspects of the culture. But he was falling for it anyways, not so reluctantly modeling the cloth for his teammates.

Kakashi took this time to slip away. He never had an interest in the trinkets or novelty items that were gifted as souvenirs. But he had found himself gravitating towards a small perfume shop. A bell above the door chimed when he entered. The air was sweet, vanilla and chamomile, as it wafted around him. He browsed the selections. He seemed to be the only one, customer or otherwise, in the shop. 

Kirigakure was known, to a lesser extent, for their quality luxury products. Such as, soaps, perfume and shampoo.

Kakashi picked up a small, glass, bottle of shampoo. Turning it over in the shops light, he uncorked the small bottle and inhaled. 

Ah, lavender, the was scent subtle but charming. He almost smiled.

“That would make a nice gift, are you shopping for anyone in particular?”

Kakashi nearly dropped the bottle, he turned around to find the shop keeper. A soft featured woman with piles of dark hair perched precariously atop her head. Held in place by ornate, golden pins, protruding to either side, elaborate flowers at the end of the pins and glass beads dangling, swaying with her every movement.

Her movements were silent and he didn’t feel a chakra presence. He suspected she was a retired ninja, or this shop was a front. Either way he decided to stay alert, he would not caught off guard twice.

“I’m sorry to have frightened you, sir.” She delicately took the bottle from his hands, tracing the lip of it fondly.

“No, I’m only browsing…But that caught my interest.”

“Did you know, lavender signifies devotion? Here in Kiri, we give lavender to people who hold our hearts. Purple is also the color of royalty. This particular scent is called Royal Purple.”

Kakashi stared at the small vile in her hands, was it some divine coincidence that he should be drawn to a piece so symbolic? he never believed in a greater power, but something was telling him this was the first step to making amends.

He made his decision.

“Would you…please box that up for me?” Kakashi didn’t know why he felt so nervous, like his heart was in his throat. It wasn’t the woman who was threatening nor was it the small vile of hair product. But something of the significance made his hands clammy.

“Of course, sir.” She smiled and rung him up, putting the small bottle in a box and tying it with a bow. She put the box in a pale, yellow, bag and handed it to him.

“Ah, thank you.” His eyes softened at the box in his hand, he tucked it discreetly into his back pouch.

“My pleasure, sir. I wish you and your love a long life.” 

Kakashi nearly blushed at her sincere words, feeling his cheeks tingle. All he could do was nod as he exited the shop. He had reservations about returning to Konoha, he felt his feelings were too muddled to make sense of them. But now, feeling empowered by the small bottle in his weapons pouch, he couldn’t wait to step through those gates.  
—

“Tsk, tsk. I thought we were doing so well too. Don’t be a tease.” Shikarai stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind him. Tenzo took a tentative step back, something was wrong with him, something was wrong with his body. It wasn’t responding how he wanted it too. His body lagged behind his brain’s command to move.

“I really didn’t want to have to do this Tenzo, but…Tonight’s my last chance.” Shikarai pushed Tenzo onto the bed, the mattress bowing under their combined weight. Tenzo hissed as his head hit the bed frame. All his instincts screaming danger! danger! he shifted himself, curling his hand into a fist to strike. But his body remained unresponsive.

“Shadow possession. Come on…Tenzo, be good, okay?” Shikarai’s mouth split into a grin, too many teeth to be friendly. He bound Tenzo’s hands over his head with ninja wire, the thread cutting into his wrists. Releasing the jutsu when his prey was immobilized, straddling Tenzo with his thighs on either side of Tenzo’s hips.

“Stop!” Tenzo choked out, fear clawing at his throat. He couldn’t gather chakra, something was inhibiting the flow. It was out of reach, locked behind a thick glass.

“Go ahead, struggle, doesn’t matter to me. Turns me on…in fact. You won’t be able to access your chakra for awhile. The drug made sure of that, not feeling much like yourself, right?”  
“W-why are you…doing this? We’re friends!”  
“Friends? Please, you’re too much. I’m doing this because I’m bored. Plenty of ANBU have their hobbies, mine just happens to….involve…” Shikarai’s eyes slid to the side in thought.

“…Acquisitions of people. Truth be told, I was surprised you didn’t come after me. After you put Bear in the ground.”

Tenzo’s foggy mind struggled to make a connection, Shikarai had only met him after the training field incident. There was no way Tenzo would know him before that. His eye brows were drawn together as his cloudy eyes began to search his memory for something familiar.

“Oh, I see, You still don’t recognize me. Must be the voice, you know it’s actually a strain to keep it this high.” Shikarai coughed to clear his throat.

“Hows…this?” Shikarai’s voice had dropped at least two octaves, his voice was deep. Smooth, it rumbled in Tenzo’s chest as the blood drained from his face in horrifying realization.

“Y-You…You were the other…person in the locker room.”  
“Ah, there it is.”

Shikarai slid his hands up Tenzo’s chest, absentmindedly playing with an unruly lock of hair before twisting it in his fist. Jerking Tenzo’s head up to meet Shikarai’s eyes.

“I can trust you remember what I had said then?”

Tenzo’s eyes were wide as he fought back, Shikarai bringing the back of his hand down across Tenzo’s cheek, splitting his lip with the force of the slap. Tenzo stilled, the blood trickling down his chin.

“Should I henge into Hound, would that make it more enjoyable for you?”

Tenzo shook his head, eyes pleading. He could feel the nausea crawl up his throat at the mere thought. 

“Just kidding.” Shikarai laughed before crashing their lips together, painfully, Tenzo could feel Shikarai’s teeth grate against his. The heaviness between Shikarai’s legs giving away his intentions. Tenzo could feel his heart in his ears, the pounding rush of blood overtaking his ability to think properly. Shikarai produced a kunai from his weapons pouch, letting the metal shine in the low light of the bedroom. He showed it to Tenzo with a smirk.

“Stay still. Wouldn’t want to hurt you, would I?” Shikarai slid the blade under Tenzo’s shirt, cutting the fabric cleanly down the middle. Tenzo froze, sucking in his stomach as the cool edge of the kunai brushed against his flesh. His shirt fell open, allowing Shikarai access to his chest. Shikarai hummed approvingly at his prize. But the tantalizing strip of skin wasn’t enough to satisfy him. He turned the kunai over in his hand, the blade pointed down and he gently slipped it under the waist band of Tenzo’s pants.

Shikarai kissed Tenzo’s cheek again, slowly mouthing at his neck and throat. Tenzo’s pulse point was racing as Shikarai slowly sucked on it. Tenzo had to do something, he couldn’t just lay here and let this happen. He put his head against Shikarai’s and kissed temple. Shikarai, pleased with the turn of events let Tenzo have access to his jawline, savoring Tenzo’s lips on his skin.

Tenzo bit down, hard. Attempting to throw his assailant off balance. A fist struck the side of Tenzo’s face and he saw stars, oscillating colored dots swam across his blurred vision as Shikarai hissed a curse. He grabbed Tenzo’s hair and wound it tightly in his fist, shaking him.

“So, you like it rough. I was going to fuck your throat, but now I don't trust those teeth of yours. But don’t worry, I can give you what you want.” 

Shikarai wiped the blood from his neck and ground down on Tenzo’s hips, eliciting a breathy gasp from the body beneath him. Shikarai turned Tenzo over, pushing his face into the mattress with one hand and using the kunai in the other to make quick work of his pants. 

Tenzo’s wrists protested the angle, the wire cutting deeper into them as he struggled to breathe from this position. His whole body felt out of focus, like he was piloting a machine whose parts were disjointed.

Tenzo could barely register the sensation of cool air, he knew, logically, that he was exposed, his body laid bare. But it was far away, almost like he could see himself, face down on a mattress while Shikarai mounted him.

He could feel it, the intense burning stretch, tears welling up in his eyes as each push expelled the air from his lungs. He could feel his body trying to resist a foreign object. But it was futile. The agony of each thrust, felt as if his insides were being dragged out of him every time. Though he could feel himself become slick, with blood most likely, it didn’t ease the ragged sensation of being turned inside out.

He choked back his pleas, he wouldn’t give the enemy the satisfaction. Because that’s what Shikarai was, the enemy. Tenzo felt the familiar heat of anger in his stomach. The sick undulating loathing for another human being.

“Are you not enjoying this?” Shikarai ran his hand through Tenzo’s hair, pulling his tear stained face from the mattress. Tenzo’s eyes were empty, as if he was only a shell.

“Why don’t you look at me?” Shikarai pulled Tenzo’s shoulders back, laying him on his back once again, while still fully seated inside Tenzo. The corner’s of Tenzo’s eyes winced from the shift.

Shikarai held his legs over his shoulders, cupping his face as he drew further back only to thrust into him viciously. A muscle in Tenzo’s jaw jumped as his nostrils flared, trying to even his breathing. His vision blurred with fresh tears as Shikarai continued his assault. Tenzo’s hands curled into tight fists, his nails cutting into his palms. Tenzo tried to avert his eyes, he didn’t want to see Shikarai. Shikarai took hold of Tenzo's flaccid sex, coaxing it to life. The punishing grip like a vice. Tenzo's back arched off the bed as he hissed, trying to turn away but Shikarai's bruising hold on his thighs kept him steady. Shikarai rocked them back and forth like this. Bodies held close together mixing sweat and bodily fluids.

It wasn’t supposed to be Shikarai, not like this.

It broke Tenzo, an angry sob ripped through his throat as he tried to stifle it. His eyes screwed shut as Shikarai found renewed pleasure in Tenzo’s suffering. Shikarai had wanted a reaction above all else. 

“What’s wrong, Is this how you wanted your Captain to fuck you?”

Tenzo didn’t respond, opting to bite his lip till it bled to silence himself. His body may have betrayed him, but it didn't mean anything to him. It couldn't mean anything. If it wasn't Kakashi, then he didn't want it. He didn't want to have anything to do with this. No matter what reaction his body gave. Even if his eyes rolled back into his skull and his body chased a gratifying release, it stung, there was no pleasure in it.  
\---  
Shikarai finished, pulling himself from Tenzo’s body. Evidence of his assault found a home, leaking, into the sheets beneath Tenzo. Shikarai smirked and traced Tenzo’s cheek with his fingers, savoring the last touch. He knew this would be their last encounter. But he didn’t mind, he had only ever had carnal intentions for Tenzo anyways. 

Shikarai sat back on his heels, admiring his work before getting up and dressing himself. Tenzo couldn’t remember Shikarai taking off his clothes, he couldn’t remember most of the events that lead up to this point. It was like watching a movie through still frames. Tenzo tugged at his bonds, relieved to find that his body responded, he could feel the flow of his chakra again too. His vast untapped reserves.

“It’ll take a couple hours for that to wear off, I wouldn’t suggest making scene if you don’t want to be found like that.” Shikarai retrieved his shirt from the floor.

Shikarai didn’t take into account a byproduct of Tenzo’s Mokuton. His body was able to rapidly metabolize toxins. Effectively reducing any foreign substance's long term affects on his body. The drug should have been in his system for more then twelve hours, however it barely lasted six. Tenzo sat up abruptly, snapping the wire with ease, releasing his bloodied wrists from their bonds, as he clasped his hands together, summoning his Mokuton. 

The wood from the floor warped rapidly, tangling Shikarai in thick branches and holding him in place. Tenzo slowly made his way to the edge of the bed, damp hair clinging to his body. Eyes dark with anger.

“What are you going to do, Tenzo? Kill me. That’ll be strike two for you.”  
“Y-you hurt me!” Tenzo hissed, he was trembling. Unable to process exactly what he had went through. All he knew was that he in pain. 

“Oh, did I? Because what it looks like to me and to the higher ups is that you were benched by your team for violent conduct. So you sought out another Captain who had an equally startling reputation to fill the void your own Captain left. Well, one thing led to another and you do know that most ANBU have some…intense…preferences.”

Tenzo’s eyes went wide, his breathing picked up as he registered what Shikarai was saying to him. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his breathing stuttered as he tried to remain calm.

“And when you realized your own Captain was coming back, well, let’s just say you were so ashamed that you had to get rid of the evidence.”

Tenzo looked at the ground, sweat slowly rolling down his temples. He put his hands on either side of his head.

“Yo..you…That's not what...happened...” Tenzo tried to choke out, his voice hoarse.  
“Let me go, Tenzo. No one is going to believe any differently. Whether I’m alive or not.”

Tenzo, defeated, released the jutsu and Shikarai smirked, he had played all his pieces correctly and won the game. He didn’t need anymore from the splintered wood style user now. Tenzo sat there, staring straight ahead, unblinkingly as Shikarai ruffled his hair. Like they had just got done with another sparring session, instead of whatever this had been.

Tenzo wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, sitting in his own blood and the combined of him and Shikarai. But the light creeping in from the window meant that dawn was breaking. He stood up and limped to get dressed, he didn’t bother to shower. All he could do was compartmentalize the last few hours, tuck it away until he was somewhere safe to deal with it.

He was on autopilot, the world around him was far way, out of focus and not his own. He needed a grounding force, he needed comfort. He had a feeling this wasn’t like any battle he had been in. But he was wounded all the same. The gravity of his ordeal was out of his grasp. He knew Shinobi were opportunist and struck the most vital areas with vicious efficiency. But what did that mean for this attack...? 

He wasn’t sure. 

All he knew was that when he was badly injured there was only one person he could ever rely on. He left his apartment without locking the door, barely closing it behind him, not waiting to hear the click of the door in the frame. His feet carried him down the streets that he had subconsciously mapped out. To the edge of a small district of apartments and up to the second floor. Tenzo crouched by the large potted outside the door. Knees drawn up to his chest and his face buried in his folded arms. 

He waited.  
—  
Kakashi entered the village when the sun was breaking over the Hokage monument. He was excited to be home. The first place he wanted to go was to see Tenzo. The gift practically burning a hole in his weapons pouch, he drew it out of his pouch and opted to carrying it instead. 

He made his way to the barracks and to Tenzo’s apartment. He should still be asleep. But Kakashi couldn’t wait, he needed to see him now. He would apologize to him, for waking him up and for all the shitty things he had done within the last few weeks. Everything would go back to how it was, no, it would be better this time around. Kakashi would make sure it was. 

There was nothing that would stand in his way now.

Kakashi knocked on Tenzo's door. It slowly fell open with the weight of his knock. Kakashi’s nose scrunched at the stench that greeted him, it made his stomach lurch. 

Sex and sweat. 

But the apartment was empty. Something…wasn’t right to Kakashi, the door was unlocked and it hadn’t even been shut all the way. As if Tenzo was in a hurry to leave, also the room was a wreck. There were pieces of discarded clothing thrown haphazardly around, some of it didn't even look like clothing more like strips of cloth or curtains. It didn't make sense Tenzo was meticulous about how he organized his belongings. Kakashi had never seen Tenzo's apartment like this before. 

But he didn’t stay to inspect it, beyond a quick once over. The sight alone was making him sick. He shut the door, making sure to lock it behind him. 

This wouldn’t deter him though. Maybe Tenzo had gotten lonely, maybe he decided Kakashi wasn’t worth it. It’s not like Tenzo and him were exclusive, Kakashi had made sure of that. Whatever the reason Kakashi resolved to talk to him about it first before jumping to conclusions. He had made that mistake too often these past couple of weeks.

He decided to head home, the little yellow bag in his right hand swinging as he ascended the steps. He fished his keys from his left pocket before looking up to his door. He saw Tenzo, curled up, head down and knees to his chest by his door.

Kakashi felt a swell of happiness at the thought that Tenzo was waiting for him. But he couldn’t resist teasing him either. 

“Maa, what’s this? decided to come apologize?” Kakashi quipped, putting on his best show of mock arrogance, his visible eye turned up in a smile as he approached the younger ANBU.

He stilled, coming to a full stop, when Tenzo raised his head, lip split and eye bruised. He had been crying, recently, the tears had made tracks down his face and he was still trembling.

“S-Senpai?” Tenzo croaked, arms outstretched.

Kakashi’s eye widened as he dropped the bag in his hand.


	10. Take your shot I: Make it hurt. Make it count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the length of this chapter makes up for my absence, only crack heads work full time while getting a STEM degree ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Tenzo stood on quaking legs. Kakashi took a step to meet him and Tenzo stumbled into his arms. His world finally steadying beneath his feet.

Tenzo's was body a rigid fit against Kakashi's chest, no longer curling and curving into the lines of Kakashi's body but holding taunt against them. They stayed like that, for a moment. 

Completely still as the early morning breeze swirled around them, the rustling leaves of nearby trees and the small clinking of windchimes all that could be heard over the defeaning silence.

Kakashi smoothed back Tenzo's hair, his throat dry. His sensitive sense of smell overwhelmed by the stench of sex and sweat at such proximity.

But it was the layer of concealed fear, dread, rolling off Tenzo that made waves in his chakra.

Tenzo didn't have to vocalize the incident for Kakashi to put the pieces together, the presence of a foreign scent was all too telling.

Kakashi knew he would have to make use of the mandatory sensitivity training.

How laughable it was, sensitivity training among shinobi. But seduction missions took a toll. Especially missions gone wrong. He was a Captain after all, he had to be prepared for worst case scenarios.

But all in all, he wasn't prepared. The churning in his stomach testified to that.

He never thought he would have to make use of it on a teammate. He never wanted to have to use it for Tenzo. He never wanted to use it at all.

But he was grateful for the knowledge all the same.

'I have to stay calm, for Tenzo. I don't want him to panic. He probably doesn't even...realize...I need to act normal. Nothing happened.'

"Hey...Tenz. I missed you." Kakashi's voice was even, it rumbled deep in his chest against Tenzo's cheek.

Tenzo didn't say a word, he just nodded to return the sentiment.

"I was about to summon the ninken and order take out...would you like to stay?"

Tenzo nodded again. He finally pulled away, taking a step back, embarrassed of himself. 

His eyes were empty, tired, though it wasn't the usual emptiness he employed when using his ROOT tactics. 

They were far off, distant, glazed over.

Kakashi nodded and weaved through his summoning signs, the dogs appeared in a cloud of smoke with an audible puff.

They started to clamor for attention immediately. Tenzo let a weak smile slide as he crouched down to pet them, giving each one special attention.

"Go in and make yourself comfortable, I'll be right in."

Kakashi opened the door and the dogs filed through, Tenzo in tow though his steps dragged behind him betraying his exhaustion.

"Pakkun, Shiba, Uhei, heel."

The three dogs turned their attention to Kakashi and sauntered up to him, disappointed that they didn't get to go inside to have attention lavished upon them.

"Hey boss." Pakkun greeted, though there was an edge of suspicioun to his voice.

"What's the deal, Kakashi?"

Kakashi made sure Tenzo was inside with the rest of the dogs, too occupied to overhear the conversation.

Kakashi crouched low, to be level with the dogs, bringing them in for a huddle.

"You smell that?" Kakashi's eyes flickered to the side, briefly.

"Yeah, something ain't right with the pup neither. Something happen?"

Kakashi gave a solmen nod.

"When we were away..." Kakashi looked incredibly guilty, lowering his eyes to the ground momentarily, before facing the dogs again.

Pakkun raised an eyebrow.

"I don't have the details, I need them. I want you to find out whatever you can about the other scent on Tenzo and report to me immediately. Go the the barracks, I left his room as is."

Pakkun nodded, Shiba and Uhei looked at Kakashi expectedly.

"What about us? What's our mission?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"Dinner."

"You serious? We're on errand duty?"

"There's more important matters then take out, boss!"

"Don't argue. Be back in an hour, hour and a half tops. Pakkun, you have till then too, make it count."

The dogs gave a curt nod then scattered.

Kakashi signed heavily, running a hand through his hair before entering his apartment, closing the door behind him.

"Sent the dogs to get dinner, how...about you wash up?"

Tenzo stiffened, his whole body going still, hand trembling mid stroke on Bulls fur. Tenzo inhaled sharply and held the air in his lungs.

'aw, shit shit shit.' Kakashi cursed inwardly. Tried to quickly backtrack, come up with something more pausible to rid Tenzo of the lingering stench.

"I got you something from Kirigakure that I think you'd like to try, it's shampoo. So...it'd be the best to use it...when you wash up?" Kakashi made sure his voice was measured, not wanting to alarm Tenzo any more then he had.

"O-oh...thank you. Senpai." Tenzo kept his eyes from meeting Kakashi's directly. 

It reminded Kakashi of when Tenzo first transferred out of ROOT. Hiding his skittishness behind ridgid politeness.

It made Kakashi's insides constrict.

"Here, I know it's kind of...cheesy but I want you to open it." Kakashi looked up to the ceiling, feeling the nerves gathering in his gut, like Tenzo would refuse.

But he didn't, he turned his body to face Kakashi and rose from the floor coming to meet him in the middle of the living room. Kakashi held out the pale yellow bag and Tenzo took it cautiously. 

Kakashi would have hoped tenzo would have been able to enjoy this moment more.

Tenzo smiled, softly, at the bag. Running his fingers over the plastic before dipping in and retrieving the small box. He held it in his hands as if he would break it just by applying pressure.

Kakashi swallowed, feeling a tingle in his fingers and toes as Tenzo opened the box to reveal the glass, purple, bottle.

"I-it's lavender." Kakashi barely managed to say, fighting through his nerves.

"This...I...thank you... Kakashi." Tenzo traced the bottle delicately, turning it over in his hands.

"Lavender means, I just wanted you...to have it because, lavender...uh they give it in Kiri because. It's called Royal Purple." Kakashi stammered, palms sweating under his gloves.

The dogs eyed him with both curiousity and amusement. It wasn't everyday they got to see Kakashi as flustered as this, they were clearly enjoying the show.

"It's really... wonderful."  
"It....is?"

Tenzo nodded.

"Yeah...it is." He whispered, falling silent after, tracing the lip of the bottle around the cork.

"I'll get you some towels and fresh clothes." Kakashi gave the dogs the side eye as he went to his room, coming back to see Tenzo still standing in the same position. He was still tracing the lip of the bottle absent-mindedly, like he left his body behind to go somewhere Kakashi couldn't reach.

"Tenzo...?

Tenzo jerked his head up, eyes wide and caught off guard. He blinked before his eyes settled on Kakashi and the clothing in his arms.

"Ah, s-sorry, I wasn't paying attention."  
"Don't worry, it's fine, I started the shower go jump in okay?"

Tenzo nodded.

"Here, these will fit, there's towels in the bathroom already.

Tenzo took the clothes and padded quietly to the bathroom. Kakashi sat down on the couch, putting his head in his hands.

'What am I going to do...'

"We'll keep an eye on him, boss." Akino commented coming up to put his muzzle under Kakashi's hands to pry them away from his face. Kakashi gave the dog a weary smile.  
\---  
Tenzo locked the bathroom door behind him, odd, he's never done that before. Not here, not when it was only Kakashi and him.

Why now?

Why does he feel so disoriented as if his world was at a slant? 

The bathroom lights are too bright, too harsh, bouncing off the tile and making his head ache. 

The bathroom is too small, walls closing in on him, his hip hits the edge of the sink, jolting him from his stupor.

He strips off his clothes, staring at the dark pile, forlornly, like the shadows would jump out at him. He exhales as he keeps an eye on them as he moves the few steps back to the tub. Watching the water run before stepping in. 

Not registering the waters temperature, it will never be hot enough he thinks. 

He stands under the spray, steam filling the bathroom and fogging the mirror. 

The water droplets hitting the tub like they hit his already fryed nerves.

The pressure in his chest builds as his breathing hitches. He inhales through his mouth, his lungs will never be full enough. 

He puts his hands to his face, what's happening to him, his throat is tight and his legs are trembling under the weight of the water.

What happened...to him?

His vision steadily goes out of focus, gazing over, the faceut blurs; just a smudge of metal against the blinding tile.

His lungs stutter, he squeezes his eyes closed, gasping now, anything to draw air back into his sunken chest. He swallows hard, shoulders lurching forward as if he would be sick.

What's happening to him?

He sinks to the floor, knees connecting with a barely audible thud to the bottom of the tub. He curls over himself, holding his upper arms as he tries to regulate his breathing. 

He doesn't like feeling this way.

'Feelings are the prelude, the root, of weakness, Kinoe. They are unnecessary to survival as a shinobi. ' Danzo had lectured, a life time ago.

He doesn't like feeling, he realizes.

What has it gotten him this far? If he didn't feel, he wouldn't have been weak, this wouldn't have happened. Whatever was happening now, whatever he was feeling, it just wouldn't be.

Danzo was right in his need to repress the emotions of his shinobi.

His jaw trembles. It's hard, now, not to feel. 

Why didn't he stay in ROOT?

Not to feel every ounce of burning shame and despair. He can feel the fresh heat that's gathering under his eyelids, spilling over to mingle with the water that's gone colder.

He rocks side to side, thigh bumping against the tub. A small, rattling, clink resounds in the small space. Tenzo cracks his eyes open, sliding them towards the sound.

Tenzo sniffles and palms his eyes to clear his vision. The world swims back; The small, purple bottle, stands like a beacon.

He reaches for it, curling his fingers around the matte feel of the glass. He turns it over in his hands and holds it to his chest. The bottle seems to radiate the warmth his body is quickly losing.

No, Danzo wasn't right.

He shakes his head and stands, uncorking the bottle and dipping his fingers in the thick mixture. The lavender wafts up, powerfully, to his nose. It's relaxing but above all it's safe. 

He doesn't want to go back to ROOT, to how he was before.

His life is divided, there is only before Kakashi and after.

He's safe, now. His muscles release some of the tension he wasn't aware he was holding.

He lathers the sweet smelling substance through his hair, threading his fingers through the knots and tangles. He rinses and grabs the nondescript conditioner Kakashi keeps, it's unscented and the lavender fragrance clings to his scalp.

He turns off the shower, it's long since run cold and his teeth chatter but he doesn't feel the chill. He towels off slowly, absent mindly, and pulls on the clothes Kakashi gave him. 

Grateful for the long sleeves and the pants that nearly pool around his ankles; Comforting layers of protection. 

As he stands alone, he glances at the mirror, fear grasping at his throat. He steels his nerves and exits the bathroom, dumping his clothes in the laundry basket. 

Maybe he'll burn them later, he isn't sure.  
\---  
Kakashi waited for Tenzo to come out, the shower running for a seemingly infinite stetch, his concern growing with each minute until he heard the door open. 

His body subconsciously jolted at the sound, loud, in the too quiet space.

Kakashi petted the dogs, running his hands over their heads, nervously, trying to calm himself and remain neutral. 

Tenzo needs this, he needs him. 

He exhales in relief as Tenzo comes out to sit on the floor in the middle of the living room, once again, the dogs coming up to him and wagging their tails. Tenzo starts to pet Bull, running his hands over Bulls large head. Not unlike what Kakashi was doing earlier. 

He doesn't look at Kakashi, opting to stare at the floor.

Kakashi leans forward, elbows on his thighs as he takes stock of Tenzo's condition, eyes searching, flickering back and forth.

A bruise forming around a fresh split in his lip and the side of his temple, nearly obscured by his hair. It must have happened recently.

Kakashi's insides squirm at the events that had resulted in the wounds. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and his shoulders slumped forward under the weight of the last few weeks. 

Red, angry, marks hidden by the long sleeves, peeking out now again when the fabric shifts.

"Kakashi...?" Tenzo says, hesitant, his voice is soft but flat.

"Y-yes?" Kakashi hates the way his voice wavers, unsure of himself. He grips his knees to steady himself.

"What am I to you?" Tenzo continues to pet Bull, who tries his damnest to crawl into his lap but can only manage pulling his upper body over Tenzo's legs to lean against his chest.

Kakashi's eyes widen a little and he looks up and away then back at him.

Tenzo doesn't wait for a response.

"Am I just..." Tenzo takes a full body breath, eyes hardening, before continuing.

"A cock sleeve to you?"

Kakashi's eyes widen, his stomach drops out from under him and he can't help but feel anger boil inside him.

"Why would you say that?!" Kakashi snaps, near shouts, balling his fists tightly against his thighs, regret crashing into him in a great wave soon after the words leave his lips.

Misdirected anger settled tensely in the room, the atmosphere thickening.

Tenzo doesn't flinch, but something in his eyes does. His hand stutters in it's movement, scrunching the fur of Bulls neck.

Kakashi reels back, he's not angry at Tenzo, the accusation is justified. What has he gave him to think otherwise?

The constant push and pull, again and again over and over. Bringing him close only to shove him away.

"No." Kakashi's words come weak with the constriction of his throat. 

"No." He repeats.

Every mistake a reason to run. 

He wants to get up and disappear until he can assess the situation, clear his head and calm down. But a good soldier marches on, desertion was no longer an option.

It should have never been.

But with the way Tenzo's body tenses, his shoulders tightening, the flex of his thighs and the hard line of his jaw, he thinks that Tenzo just might.

He gets on the floor instead, slowly, crawling over to Tenzo. Sitting close but far enough not startle him with his advancement.

A muscle jumps in Tenzo's jaw and he keeps his eyes pinned to the floor just past Bulls head. Weighing his options to run. But there's no way to go.

The dog levels Kakashi with a narrowing of the eyes, almost to say:

'Don't fuck this up.'

"Tenzo...no, no... I- that's not..." He begins, his tone softening, nearly a whisper. Tenzo doesn't move away from him as Kakashi comes, inching closer. 

The rest of the dogs eye him suspiciously before slinking to the other room to give them space but Bull remains.

"... You're... it's not like that, I'm so sorry I made you...feel that way. You mean so much more to me. I've been so...so fucked up to you. You don't deserve that."

Tenzo remains quiet, resuming his administrations, Bull sighs contentedly and scoots closer to his chest.

"Where...did, did someone...say that to you?"

"I overhead them, the ANBU, in the locker room. Bear and...I heard Bear. Before the mission with Inoyara." Tenzo's voice is a curt, cutting edge, slicing deeper then any blade.

Kakashi's eyes dart to the side as the pieces fall into place, he takes a deep breath, exhaling through his nose.

The voice of Genma and Gai come to mind:

'Tenzo wouldn't do something like this without a reason!'

"Is that...why, the...training field?"

Tenzo nods, a slow deliberate movement.

"I didn't...want to be transferred off your team...because of speculations...your reputation was at stake, I couldn't...have anyone...saying...not again."

Kakashi put a hand to his face.

'Not friend killer; not an unworthy captain' are the words that would fill the spaces.

Kakashi had been so caught up in the guilt of his ghosts, he couldn't recognize the graveyard growing in the living. 

Ghosts were easy, there was no reconciliation, just a stagnant past with no chance of moving forward.

"I've been...so blind and...stupid Tenzo, I should have...listened to you, asked you why, I shouldn't have been so angry."

Tenzo shrugs, rolling off Kakashi's words.

The living were much harder, navigating the intricate web of people's lives, emotions, was difficult.

Give him a ghost anyday.

"It...was my fault. All of it. I should have known better...I should have been stronger." Tenzo whispers, the corners of his eyes crease, his fingers tightening and the pulse in his throat skipping

"It should have never went so far."

"No! It's not, Tenzo, nothing that happened was. Look at me."

Tenzo doesn't move.

"Please...look at me?" Kakashi's voice was strained, he wanted nothing more then to throw his arms around him and pull him close. It's not the right time, it's not the right move.

Tenzo closes his eyes, not yet ready to face him. His shoulder tremble, once, twice then he stills.

"Tenzo?"

Tenzo finally looks at him, his eyebrows pinched, expression vunerable and worried. As if he would be scolded.

"It's... it's not your fault, Tenzo." Kakashi swallows hard, his voice running away from him. 

Kakashi knows Tenzo thinks he's only talking about the field incident. 

But his words are all encompassing.

"You...all I've known is failure. But you still pull me close and say, that I'm not that...I shouldn't have left you here. It was childish and I turned my back on you." Kakashi shakes his head, his shoulders slumping.

"I'm so sorry. I'll make it right... I'll make you happy." Kakashi's voice breaks between the syllables, he reaches out and places a hand on Tenzo's tensed shoulder. 

The dam that Kakashi had been building since childhood crumbles, his words rushing past his lips like a river out of control.

"I.. I've been running away from my feelings, I know that...I'm ready to own up. I've been... running away from my feelings for you."

Tenzo leans into the touch, instead of pulling away like his gut screams at him too. 

"I've pushed you too far, I've been pushing you too far..."

Vunerablility is weakness, weakness is pain, pain is to be compartmentalized and stored away. 

But he could never compartmentalize Kakashi.

"If...if you need time, if you need...anything I-I just want to be there."

Tenzo takes a deep breath, the contact chasing a live wire from his shoulder to the soles of his feet.

"Senpai... Kakashi...I, I never held it against you, I was confused and... angry." Tenzo pauses, his words tentative.

"I knew...what this was, what we were, when this started. I took whatever you gave me...a look, a touch, a chance. But I wanted more, how selfish to want every piece...even what you couldn't give yourself." Tenzo shakes his head, realizing how foolish he must sound.

"I-i thought it would be different, if I stayed by your side, maybe you'd realize I wouldn't leave you...couldn't leave you alone. That when you suffer...when I see you suffer, I do too. I.."

Kakashi sets his jaw, his tongue felt too large for his mouth, the words, all he wants to convey, grinding against his teeth.

"I thought if I could change your heart I could change your mind."

"Tenzo..."

"Then the mission with Inoyara happened." Tenzo's eyes hardened, the vunerablity draining away, hiding behind mounting frustration; something akin to anger.

His hands tightening into fists on his thighs as he searched for his next words, the decision to speak weighing heavily in his chest, his eyes darted to the ground.

"That night when you came to me, and I...You punished me for not giving in! and then they we're right when they said you were just using me." Tenzo's voice was swelling to a shout.

Kakashi's eyes widened, no, that's not what happened, that's not what he did, no that was a mistake. Tenzo didn't want him, he was too dangerous during that mission. Tenzo was afraid of him that night, wasn't he?

He tightened his grip on Tenzo's shoulder reflexively. Tenzo pauses and looked up.

"N-no, I thought-Tenzo- I wanted to protect you! I almost killed you that day! I-I thought because of that you turned me down, you couldn't stand to me near me. Y-you...I-I thought you were afraid of me."

Tenzo chuckled, it was bitter and humorless. He sighed, tired eyes drifting to the side.

"We've almost killed each other before...did you really think I wouldn't have you because of that?"

"I-I thought..." Kakashi swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing.

"I thought...staying away...was the best I could do for you, to protect you...to protect you from me."

"Everyone...everyone who gets close to me...ends up-I couldn't stand to lose you, not like that. But I was wrong...I was so wrong..."

"You were wrong. You've been wrong...and you hurt me." It's a whisper, though it might as well have been a scream. The words leaving a bitter film on his tongue.

Tenzo's confession cuts across his heart like the promident scar over his eye, deeper even.

Kakashi let his head drop and his eyes squeeze shut as his breathing runs ragged, burning in his lungs.

Maybe he should've stayed away sooner, the rejection wouldn't hurt so badly. He would have had to feel anything at all.

But to care, isn't that the hardest thing we can do?

"But I forgive you."

Kakashi snapped his head up to look into Tenzo's eyes, the love and admiration still burning brightly in their depths.

It made his stomach turn, he didn't think he desrved this forgiveness.

But, Sage, did he want it. He needed it. He needed Tenzo to forgive him so badly, he felt the sting of tears in the back of his eyes.

"No matter what, you've...and you've always made me happy." Tenzo smiles, it's weak but not forced, his eyes glisten as he chokes on his words.

Kakashi puts his other hand to his face, tears welling up in his borrowed eye and threatening to spill over. 

"Ha...even now, even though I've hurt you. You always..." He stifles a sob with a laugh, running his palm over his face.

"I'll never leave you behind, I'll never leave you, Tenzo, never again."

Kakashi curls his hand into a fist, pulling the fabric of Tenzo's shirt and pulling him close. Bull reluctantly moves so the two Jonin can embrace fully. 

Tenzo wrapped his arms tightly around Kakashi's shoulders their foreheads pressed together.

"You set my soul on fire." 

Tenzo snorted, pulling away from him, a lopsided grin on his face, trying to hold in a laugh

"I, what?"  
"You...you set my soul..." Kakashi stammered, feeling incredibly silly now that he spoke those words out loud.

"Please tell me that's not from one of your book."  
"When Gai said it, it sounded a lot better." Kakashi mumbled, his cheeks scarlet.

Tenzo crinkled his nose and laughed, Kakashi joined in too. All the tension dissipating as they settled back into their respective skins.

"You... I-I...I want us...to be together, I care...and I...I..." Kakashi's words trail off into silence but Tenzo knows well enough to fill in the gaps.

Tenzo leans forward, hesitant hands trailing up to the sides of Kakashi's mask, hooking his fingers in the fabric and rolling it down. Kakashi doesn't make a move to stop him, though his eyes find Tenzo's.

"Tenzo...?"

The mask pools around Kakashi's throat as Tenzo tentatively kisses his lips, pulling his hands up behind Kakashi's head, running his fingers through his hair, to bring him forward.

"Are you...sure?" Kakashi swallows, unsure if this is really what Tenzo wants or if this is what Tenzo thinks he wants.

"Please just kiss me." Tenzo murmers against his mouth and Kakashi obliges, sinking into the kiss.

Their tongues lave together and Tenzo closes his eyes, losing himself in Kakashi. Ridding himself of any lingering, foul, taste. 

It's the right time, Kakashi thinks, the right move. He threads his hands through Tenzo's hair and pulls him closer, their noses bumping gently as they fit themselves together, both smiling into the other. 

They pull apart, eyes half mast, and Tenzo breaks, just like that. Held together by Kakashi's arms as he rides out the the wave of repression, allowing himself this weakness. 

Kakashi holds him, rocks him gently, inhaling the sweet smell of Tenzo's hair. 

They take shaking breathes in unison. Kakashi rubs wide circles on Tenzo's back.

"It'll be okay...Tenzo, we're going to be okay."  
\---  
They don't move until Pakkun, Shiba and Uhei arrive, take out hanging from Uhei and Shiba's muzzles.

"Boss." Pakkun saunters up, nudging their linked arms.

"Foods here, pup's gotta eat."

Kakashi nods, slowly pulling away from Tenzo. Who wipes his eyes and runs his hands over his face, blinking owlishly.

Kakashi looks at him and Tenzo straightens up.

"I'm okay, I'm okay now." Tenzo stands, his voice is more even now, more relaxed. His legs tingle from sitting for so long, he stretches and takes the bag from Uhei and leads the dogs into the kitchen.

"The dog biscuits are still on the top shelf?"

"They are, but only one each."

"Of course, of course."

Tenzo and the dogs know they'll all be getting at least two.

Kakashi rises too, Pakkun gestures his head to the side.

"I'm going to wash up really quick. Help yourself first, I'll be right back."

Kakashi follows him to the other room.

"What's your report?"

"You're not going to like it, boss. You really aren't."

"Try me."

Pakkun sighed, a full body heave.

"Went to the pups apartment to scent it. Something real bad went down, unfortunately, just like we thought. There was some blood on the sheets and...other fluids."

Kakashi folded his arms, impatiently tapping his fingers on his forearms.

"And then?"  
"Preparator is definitely ANBU. Smells like a Nara."

Kakashi resists the urge to put his fist through the wall with the white hot anger that spikes through him.

"There's only one...in ANBU."

"The intelligence Captain." Pakkun nods.

"Shikarai Nara." Kakashi seethes through his teeth, fists trembling at his sides now. 

Oh, he knew him. Shikarai had come to him with a recommendation for the six man cell. He was adamant that Kakashi take Bear.

"He planned this..." The horrifying realization hit Kakashi, like a kunai to the gut, twisting with each event that had taken place there after.

"He planned it from the start. That bastard." Kakashi turns on his heel, visible eye blazing, he can feel the sharingan throb and ache spinning rapidly under the cloth of his headband.

Pakkun latches onto Kakashi's pant leg, pulling the fabric taunt.

"Don't you go out there half-cocked, boss. I know you're upset, we all are. But you need a plan." Pakkun gruffs through the fabric.

"Shikarai is no doubt planning on you losing your shit."

Kakashi stills, his nostrils flaring beneath his mask. 

Pakkun was right.

"Two...can play at this game... Pakkun, I need a favor."

Statisifed, Pakkun released him.

"Anything boss. Just say the word."  
\---  
Shikarai was bored, again, a perpetual state he had found himself in since early childhood. Doing anything he could to stave off the apathy. Rising through the ranks of the academy and graduating at an age that would rival even Kakashi Hatake.

Joining ANBU soon after making Jonin. But nothing seemed to fill the void it in him.

Hunting in the field was exciting, at first. But nameless shinobi in nameless villages was short lived. He soon moved on to prey closer to home. Civilians posed no challange to to his wit and charisma, there was nothing for him among them. 

Leaf shinobi provided him with relief, for awhile. Before his surroundings were once again colored grey. ANBU were more satisfying, they were quick to suspicion and their trust was hard to obtain, but they soon fell to him too, one by one he ticked off names in his book. 

Scanning the page for new recruits, fresh faces, targets.

How troublesome. 

He toyed with a paperweight as he thought of a new game. This last one had took awhile, his longest yet. But it made him feel alive.

'Maybe that new Uchiha brat...what's his name...? Itachi. Mhm, that could provide some entertainment. Though...there is Shisui to consider, he's sharp...clever. The penalty for a misstep would be certain death. Ah, it would take some planning a couple years at the least...' 

Shikarai felt his blood thrum at the prospect of a long game, yes this could be what he needed.

Suddenly, he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge. 

He was being watched. 

He slid his eyes over to the window but there was nothing except the sun falling behind the trees. He casually pulled a kunai from under the desk and stepped to the window, again, nothing.

Then he notice the shock of white hair, Kakashi, from down below. Strolling through the grounds, book in hand unconcerned with his surroundings. Shikarai narrowed his eyes.

'It hasn't even been 24 hours... Hound's team just arrived a mere 5 hours ago. There's only a 15% chance that Tenzo had contacted the copy-nin and a 6% chance that he's told him. Even greater then that a 27.8% chance that Kakashi has an inkling'

Shikarai's eyes flickered to the sides, fingers tapping against the window sill.

'..seems low...but I wouldn't put it past him there's a 31% chance that they reconciled already." Shikarai mentally calculated his odds of confrontation. 

He returned to his desk when Kakashi rounded a corner out of sight.

He felt eyes on him again, glancing out the window. But there was only the rustling of trees in the wind

Kakashi was gone. But he was unnerved.  
\---  
"The mission went that badly?" Tenzo looked up from his noodles, one hanging from his lip.

"I honestly thought Genma would swing at either Ko or I by the end of it." Kakashi shrugged, he had told Tenzo about most of the mission, including Genma's confrontation.

"That doesn't surprise me."  
"It doesn't?"

Tenzo snorted.

"Of course not, the targets were lost, the weather sucked and you were being a dick before the mission even started." Tenzo said between bites, counting off with his free hand.

"Maa, you're right." Kakashi sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He laughed, eye turned up but barely opened, he slid his gaze towards the window where he could make out the faint shape of his doppelganger. 

There was no chakra presence and Tenzo didn't seem to note Pakkuns absence.

Good.

"It's getting late, we should turn in for the night."  
"Um, Kakashi?" Tenzo lowered his chopsticks and his eyes to the bowl.

"Mhm?" Kakashi stood and gathered his empty dishes. Tenzo pauses, weighing his words against his tongue.

"What is it?"  
"Is it...okay if I stay? Here? tonight?" Tenzo's voice was apprehensive and he held his breath.

He didn't want to go back to the barracks, to the scene of the crime, it was too soon to be alone in that room.

"I would be happy if you stayed." Kakashi said without missing a beat, this would be the first time Tenzo had stayed the night without falling asleep over paperwork.

"I can sleep in the couch."

Kakashi waved him off.

"The bed's big enough." Kakashi paused, he didn't want to scare Tenzo off, he didn't know what kind of reaction he would have to being so close to another person.

"If you don't mind, that is."

Tenzo perked up at the opportunity, it seemed Kakashi meant what he said earlier.

"O-oh, yeah that's fine with me, I don't mind." Tenzo grabbed the leftovers of his dinner, sneaking them to the dogs when Kakashi's back was turned. He deposited the dishes in the sink as Kakashi ran the water.

It struck Kakashi how domestic this all seemed, now, him washing and Tenzo drying and putting away the bowls and cups. 

He smiled to himself.

With the kitchen cleaned and everything put away Tenzo and Kakashi settled into the bed. 

Kakashi may have exaggerated, the bed was not quite big enough, their shoulders pressed together anyway they turned and their legs tangling over each other. 

But Tenzo's body was no longer hard lines and sharp edges, though Kakashi could sense the hesitation in which Tenzo moved his limbs to get comfortable. Like one misplaced hand or foot would cause Kakashi to change his mind.

Kakashi abated those fears by moving his left arm under Tenzo's head, leaning his own head against Tenzo. He felt the younger ANBU sigh with relief.

Soon they both dropped off into sleep.  
\---

Tenzo was still most of the night before his body went ridgid, Kakashi felt the tensing of the body next to him, slipping his arm out from beneath Tenzo he grabbed the book off his nightstand and sat up swiftly and soundlessly, not making a move to jostle the bed.

Tenzo could feel phantom arms running up his body and grabbing him, he jolted awake, sitting up right and breathing hard. 

Sweat accumulating on the back of his neck, he let out a small gasp.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Kakashi had a small flashlight in his mouth as he flipped a page, not reading so much as watching Tenzo from his peripheral.

"O-oh, no, I-I just..it was..." Tenzo trailed off swallowing his words, his hands fisting the sheets in his lap.

"Bad dream?"  
"S-something like...that."

Tenzo's breathing evened out, nothing was wrong, the room was still. Kakashi glanced over his book.

"Do you...want to talk about it?

Tenzo shook his head.

"No, it...it was just a feeling, I'm fine." Tenzo let out a small, humorless laugh before he settled back down, his pulse beating against his throat, he turned on the side to watch Kakashi read.

"You've been awake long?"

"Maa, something like that." Kakashi mused, mirroring Tenzo's words.

Tenzo shifted his head to rest his forehead against Kakashi's hip, he was safe now, he felt body, his body settling heavily into the mattress, the exhaustion creeping up his spine.

Kakashi put a hand on Tenzo's head. 

Running his fingers through Tenzo's hair as his eyes scanned the familiar lines of the page. He didn't stop until he could feel Tenzo give back into sleep. It was only after, that he put the book down and turned off the flashlight.

He turned to face Tenzo, itching to open his left eye and sear his sleeping form into the archive of his memory. But the knowledge that he would be able to wake up to more moments like this changed his mind.

He curled into Tenzo's body, sliding an arm under him and pulling Tenzo close against his chest. Counting Tenzo's heartbeats until it lulled him to sleep.

He didn't have to worry about his own nightmares. Not tonight, not in such close proximity to the one he loves, the one whose still alive.  
\---  
They met with Genma and Gai the next afternoon, reluctantly untangling themselves around mid morning.

Kakashi and Tenzo walked towards the waiting pair, side by side their shoulders bumping occasionally as they talked.

Tenzo didn't catch the relief that flashed over the duo's faces. But Kakashi did, making a small handsign near his hip, signaling everything was okay.

Gai was the first to break formation, eyes watering as he caught Tenzo in an embrace.

"REUNITED AT LONG LAST!" 

Tenzo stiffed, his muscles locking up momentarily, rendered unable to move against Gai's chest. Panic shot up his spine before forced himself to relax. 

He pats the great arms encircling him, a signal.

Gai's eyes flicker downwards to the crown of Tenzo's head before up to Kakashi, whose own eye slides to the side as a muscle in his jaw jumps. 

It happens instantaneously, Gai pulls away and places a hand on Tenzo's shoulder as if he didn't feel the miniscule tightening of Tenzo's shoulders, as if he didn't catch the cue from Kakashi.

"I'm glad to see you." Gai's eyes are soft tender, and Tenzo nods, a smile forming.

"I'm glad to see you too, Gai, I missed you."

"Hey! You missed me too, right kiddo?" Genma, who was watching the exchange with sharp eyes, ruffled Tenzo's hair.

Tenzo gives an annoyed huff, rolling his eyes though the smile never leaves his face.

"Yeah, okay, maybe a little."  
"What! You don't mean that! C'mer!"

Genma reaches for Tenzo fully intending on putting him in a headlock. But thinking better of it, he hooks an arm around Tenzo's shoulder and leans the majority of his weight against his side, allowing Tenzo free mobility.

"C'on! Say it! Say ya missed me too!" He rocks them from side to side, a grin on his face.

"Okay okay! I missed you the most!" Tenzo laughs, finally giving in to his childish teammate.

"Yeah that's what I like to hear! I've never been so happy to see you, best part of the week!"

"Oh, you're telling me, you didn't enjoy the rest of the week?" Tenzo's voice dripped with mock innocence.

He could practically feel the heat from Kakashi's cheeks burning, even from where he stood.

He shot Kakashi a sly look over his shoulder, who sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

Genma pulled a disgusted face.

"Hell no! I have water welts everywhere! Seriously everywhere! Even right on my--"

"GENMA!" Gai shouts as Genma's hand reached down to motion to his lower half, his fingers twitched as he locked eyes with Gai.

"Tenzo doesn't need such...such details!" Gai waves a hand in front of his face as if smelling something rancid.

"Maa, neither do I. Let's go get lunch." 

Kakashi rolled his shoulders, strolling past Genma and Tenzo, giving Genma a tender smack upside the head as he passed. Genma grinned, placing a hand on the back of his head mockingly and Tenzo felt relief surge through him.

The world, his world, the team, his team, was just fine.

"Kakashi! I challenge you to a handstand race! The last to arrive pays for the meals!"

"Hasn't your paycheck suffered enough?"

"Nonsense! My wallet and I have never felt lighter!"

"Gai, that's technically...you know what? You're on."

"WONDERFUL! TENZO, GENMA! COUNT US OFF!"

Gai and Kakashi got into a crouch, a serious expression settled on their faces, eye brows pinched in concentration as they set their palms flat to the ground.

"Ready?"

Gai and Kakashi sank all their weight into their hands, tensing their backs.

"3!" Tenzo called.  
"2!" Genma was next.  
"1!" Tenzo and Gemna leaned forward and Kakashi and Gai stood up on their hands.

"Go!" Gemna and Tenzo yelled in unison.

Kakashi and Gai took off, leaving dust in their wake.

"They're ridiculous, huh?" Genma inclined his head towards Tenzo, who was smiling with fond eyes at the retreating backs of his team mates, giving him a quick once over.

Genma's eyes flickered over his cut lip and fading bruises. They were too new to be done by Kakashi last week, yet old enough to be done within the last day and a half. 

Something happened while they were gone. They weren't normal sparing injuries either too close, too personal.

'What happened when we were away?'

Genma's eyes lingered too long and Tenzo caught him, something nervous flashing across the shadow of his eyes, before he looked back ahead.

"We should probably catch up, they'll be waiting for us."

"Yeah, let's go kiddo."  
\--

The last couple of days the feeling of being watched continued, though no chakra signature was detected in the vicinity. Shikarai found himself looking over his shoulder more and more, stilling at the sight of a stray dog while out in the village.

It was ridiculous. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on.

Though Kakashi was never around, he hadn't even seen him alone. Sticking close to his team or always in the company of other ANBU.

The feeling of observation did not abate, not that he was comforted by the fact that Kakashi was seemingly occupied at all times.

Shikarai kept to the intelligence sector, out of the way of the assignation and recognizance teams.

He woke suddenly, eyes shifting to the dark corners of his room then to the window. Someone or something was definitely keeping an eye on him. Maybe he'll put in an order to change rooms, one with no windows. 

His paranoia was mounting.  
\---

"Ah, have you seen Hatake?" Shikarai was casual in fishing for information.

"Saw him on the training fields, since early this morning, instructing a group, need him for something?"

"Just a signature from the last mission."

The ANBU nodded and headed on their way, Shikarai breathed in deeply, attempting to calm his nerves. 

Over couple days he had grown more and more cautious and hesitant, how... unlike him. 

He was supposed to be holding all the cards but it seemed an ace had been taken from the deck.

He asked after Kakashi a couple more times, the other ANBU taking notice of his fixation on the Captain's whereabouts.

"Something up between Hound and you, Is it what happened between your teammates?"

"Hound has an interesting team," Shikarai diverts the conversation.

"It's in the interest of the intelligence unit to keep tabs on the elite of ANBU."

"Ah...okay."  
\---  
He saw stray dogs more often then not, passing him by, standing at intersections, even in the fields of the ANBU barracks. 

Though no one seemed to notice the canines.

"There's been dogs in the compound lately."

"Dogs, Captain?" One of his subordinates looked up from his reports.

"Yes, haven't you seen them? There's been quite a few..."

"What...sort of dogs? Like ninken, because the only ones that use those are Inuzuka and I believe Captain Hound has them as well. But he only summons them for missions."

"Just...stray dogs, no identifying marks. Just dogs."

His subordinate gave a small, nervous, smile.

"No Captain. I haven't seen any dogs."

Shikarai couldn't help but to think back to what Tenzo said that night.

'we waited 20 minutes for the stray to come up to us!'

"...Maybe he has something to do with them."

"...who..?"

"Hatake. He waits for stray dogs so he can pet them."

"....I need to take these files downstairs."  
\---

"Captain making you keep tabs on Hound too?"

A rat masked ANBU asks his companion, a sparrow mask, who had flickered next to him from another perch.

"Yeah, not sure why. Hound is pretty boring when he's not on missions."

"He's just been training, I don't understand. We're not even apart of the same sector. We have better things to do." 

"Must have a reason, you know what happened to Bear and all."

"You think the Captain is planning something?"

"I'm sure if anyone's team mate was beaten to the point of retiring, yeah, I think Shikarai is holding a grudge."

"That makes a lot of sense, can't think of any other reason for this fixation."

"I know it's really offhand, and I probably shouldn't say it because Shikarai is our Captain and all. But he thinks Hatake is, I don't know how to put this, watching him?" The ANBU gesticulates.

"He keeps talking about stray dogs being connected with Hatake."

The other ANBU raises an eyebrow.

"That's paranoid...We've been watching him and he hasn't even come to the intelligence building."

"This behavior has become...unsettling."

"Paranoia is a bitch of a thing, we should keep an eye on Captain Shikarai. Just in case this goes south."

"I'll put a report in to the higher ups, he may be our Captain...but this is unnerving."

"I can't see it ending well."


End file.
